Baby Weight. Seriously though...

So, I'm breastfeeding this time around. And by that I mean... it's going well and we are strictly nursing no supplementing, no breaks, no reason to. It's Ah-mazing. Jane seems to just get it, which is totally unlike my other two children. Strange, but I am NOT complaining. :) This child eats and sleeps and that is her life - and she's chubby and happy and sleeps. But I have already covered that. It's awesome. I feel good.

I also feel... slightly fat.

Now, before I get a zillion comments about how it will eventually go away and to treasure these days, etc. I AGREE on those points. Perhaps, though, I'm treasuring the food a little more and forgetting that while I am burning the calories while nursing - it's not a free for all. (bummer) I'm literally hungry ALL.THE.TIME and because it's this urgent starvation feeling I just go for what's easy - banana's, something peanut buttery, or... all the amazing desserts we got with our "new baby meals". Those meals have now come to an end and perhaps that is best for me. :)

While I have lost some weight, I feel like I have SO much more to go. The task seems daunting and today I feel discouraged about it. I'm also super curious how you moms do it... losing the weight so quickly, that is. And how on earth do you have time to exercise or practice any form of fitness?? I am on a 3 hour routine of nursing, baby napping, keeping other 2 alive... repeat. There is little to no time to even cycle through the laundry or sit down {and not be nursing}. I'm not a multi-tasker when it comes to that sit down time. And that's another post all together. The other night I nibbled on some carrots because I read they help with lactation - but, the entire time I was pretending they were chicken wings and big fat juicy bbq ribs. Don't judge.

Ah, baby weight. You sweet little reminder that Hershey bars and entire bags of chips probably weren't worth it that last month of pregnancy. {sigh} I will conquer you after Christmas.

Just for the record, I really am ok and not too super discouraged.
After all, we just ordered pizza for dinner. ;)

View from the couch.

Yesterday morning my alarm went off at 6:10. I rolled over and could NOT believe that no one else was awake or crying in their beds... could this really be happening?! As I sat up to go do some good bible reading, I felt this wave of nausea - like, "Don't move another muscle". I obeyed the body and laid down. My husband asked me if I was going to get up and read and I explained the situation. "Uh oh, you have what I had" was his response. Lovely. 

I ended up sleeping, dozing, and laying around on the bed and couch for the remainder of the day. Hubs watched the girls in the morning and came home to do lunch and dinner - bless that man! He even brought me a Wendy's baked potato, as it was the only thing all day that sounded somewhat appetizing. Baked potato and 7up - ah, what a life! Sickness. There is just no TIME for that when you are a parent. Can I get an amen?! 

I remember coming out of a doze at one point and seeing every single toy we own {in the living room} dumped out in piles around the couch. Even when sick - my children just wanted to be near me. Apparently dumping out toys by my side of the couch is like an kid offering. Thank you, darlings, thank you. 

For the most part the day went well - Ava got to watch TV the entire day, which, was not my favorite...but, it worked in the moment. We watched lots of movies and she sat very still, and sometimes even sat on the floor and played quietly. Augs, on the other hand, did NOT understand this "mom on the couch" business. Jumping on my stomach, stealing my glasses and running away, trying to feed me while I was dozing, etc. This girl keeps me busy! She kept bringing me books, climbing up on me, sitting on my head, then reading to me. It was precious, and painful and did not help the nausea. But, I love her. This morning she continues on in the area of CUTE - by attempting to dress herself.

Close honey! But, that is a shirt. For 20 months... not too shabby! :)

Now, onto a day of double the housework as normal. I'm so thankful to be feeling better and I'm so thankful for a family who doesn't completely fall apart when Momma just needs to lay down. 

It's in THOSE moments

Yesterday was my 1 year follow up appointment with my physician. I was to fast overnight and get some blood drawn to make sure I was back up and running at 100%. After a weigh in {ugh}, height measurement, and routine check up type stuff we got into details. I'm tired. Always tired. I confessed to my Doc that even on the night when I get 9+ hours of sleep I still feel drowsy the WHOLE next day. Then she asks that annoying question, "Are you exercising?" Cough.Cough. "Um, well, you see... I just....no." And I go on to ramble about WW and how I lost 10 pounds right away and now I just can't seem to budge the scales and honestly I'm too tired to keep keeping track of every morsel I eat... and, the excuses just fell out. And her eyes glazed over listening. Ok, I'm being dramatic, but, mine would have if I were the listener. EXCUSES! 

So, we chatted about some ideas and she mentioned she'd like to test my thyroid, vitamin D, calcium and liver enzymes "just in case" something was wrong. But, current prescription is 30 minutes of exercise every day...and, to get more sun. Now, because it's been in the 100's here - I'll admit - we aren't getting our Vitamin D from the sun. No way. Other then that - I'm healthy. My stats are good and while I do still have extra weight I'm not out of the ball park. 

But let me back up to around 7am -ish the morning of that appointment.

I wake up early to make myself presentable, and, that takes time. I come downstairs with the 3 year old and get her started on a bowl of corn Chex. {her current fave because it's daddy's fave} As I walk by our glass front door I notice the neighbors across from us have put some kind of work out equipment near their curb. "hmmm...interesting" I think but then almost dismiss it totally because normally in our neck o' the woods "nice" items aren't put out - normally we see broken, beat up or junky items. But, since I'm reworking our basement into a work out room I take another peek, or, a stare actually - like a hawk, out our front door. We can't afford brand new items so it'll be up to finding used pieces to fill our space. Really, I'm fine with that! Add to the fact that I know next to nothing about work out equipment... it was going to be a gamble anyway. 

Hubby comes down with baby. I casually mention that he should go grab that machine. Hubby does not like "junking" or taking anything off of any curb. It makes him very uncomfortable. I don't blame him and will confess I have raised my eyebrows at people digging in others trash before... {blush}. So, I march over and check it out. It's still early and our street has no movement yet. I'm thankful for this. I turn it on and it seems to work fine - and, it seems fairly unused and it seems PERFECT for what I'm looking for. And it seems to be FREE. I march back and give the positive report to my still cautious hubby and I understand his point of view. Their trash would become our trash the moment it leaves their curb and comes to our home. You can't return trash. But, we decide it's worth the risk - and he goes to claim our new machine. 

The story ends like this.

Not only was this machine FREE for our taking. 

It's in perfect condition, clean, and hardly used. It's a small sized elliptical, which is exactly what I had been slightly praying for. And, it has safety features to protect nosey little girls who want to climb all over it. 

I was not surprised, though, I was so thankful. God always provides - why would I be shocked over this provision. He knows my need, my heart, my hopes. It's in THOSE moments when I creep another notch in my sanctification - glorying in Christ and His perfect plan for my family. We are blown away that the exact item we WANTED just sat for free directly across from our home on the exact morning that my Doctor would later look in my eyes and say, "You need to exercise". 

I hope to convince hubby to do a guest post on here later... about his side of this story. Seems he learned a great deal through this little early morning experience, too. 

Today I'm living with eyes wide open for those God-moments, they are everywhere if we just keep ourselves aware and awake. 

Remember that one time I was in the hospital?

A year ago this week I was hospitalized. While no one knew exactly for sure what was going on... it was clear I was one sick momma. After being poked and prodded, plugged in, picc lined, and drugged, undrugged and redrugged again... I was sent home. 6 long days of hospital stay.

Right now this moment only one mark on my body reminds me of that time - my picc line scar. Just a small horizontal line on the inside of my right arm - where they placed the tube that went directly to my heart. I'm drug free, pain free, issue free and have been since the end of last summer. Always praising God for that!

While I haven't been dwelling on the past. It does come to mind. And sometimes the flood of emotion is almost too much. Tuesday night I sat with my little family under a black sky watching fireworks. With each pop and whizz I would tear up. This time last year I was watching fireworks on PBS in a hospital bed with a swollen face, void of my children and spouse. Alone. So this week I squeezed my three year old a little tighter as we "oooohed" and "aaaaahed" at the pretty lights above us. I marveled at my now walking, toddling, silly 1 year old - who at this time last year was a helpless 6 week old. Crazy fast.

I have to know and trust that the Lord will use that time for His glory...

This year I felt I had several reasons to give thanks and celebrate! Another year older, wiser, and hopefully another year to really enjoy this abundant life that God has given.

Why I love Weight Watchers...

Right before Thanksgiving 2011 I had had enough.
My "Big" jeans were now getting really tight and uncomfortable.
My "big, baggy" sweaters were now starting to feel too close to me.
I was done with this.

I don't remember struggling with weight ever before in my life. I was athletic and busy all through high school and college. Let's not forget that magic little word, "Metabolism" was HUGE then, too. I've never been petite or small - average to above - at best. But I can't remember a time when I sat down and thought, "Man, I'm huge"... until October 2011. Two babies, little sleep, lots of food and minimal exercise had caught up. I had zero energy, zero motivation, zero tolerance in many many areas. I thought I was sick...but even then in the back of my mind I KNEW what it really was. I had extra weight. It was literally weighing me down. That's a really hard thing to admit to.

I mentioned to my family members that I was thinking of biting the bullet and paying to do Weight Watchers. We don't necessarily have the extra $ to do that kind of thing... but, I knew I needed help and fast, clearly MY methods were doing me NO GOOD! Dad offered to pay for it. And I thought about it more seriously. Then even more seriously. It was decided and I would begin...

Only then did I realize I joined TWO WEEKS BEFORE THANKSGIVING! {my fave holiday... my fave food} You have got to be kidding me!? How could I let this happen? What about the sweet potato casserole and pumpkin pies and mashed potatoes and tons of dark meat turkey and cranberries and grandma's green bean casserole and rolls glorious rolls and aunt kims deviled eggs?! What about those?! Gulp. Too late. I stepped on the scale and saw a number that made everything within me feel sick. How does one let it go this far?
During my first meeting everyone applauded all of us "Crazies" who joined right before the holidays. But then we jumped right into the session on how to make wise choices of all that food before us. I left feeling somewhat defeated by how far I had to go... but encouraged to be educated on what to do.

Long story short - I lost MORE weight over the two major holidays then what normal people do {4lbs}. I still got to eat everything I wanted and never once felt sorry for myself or as if I were missing out on something. Since November I have lost 10 pounds. But then I started to taper off... I think I got a little too sure of myself and how quickly I was losing. I started to assume I could estimate things and cut corners here and there. The weight stopped dropping. I even gained 3lbs back. Dis-couraging. I had quit writing down my food {tracking} and drinks so I had no clue as to what we even going on anymore. I was already back to feeling lousy just with 3lbs back on. Tired. Groggy. Grouchy. Hungry. Always hungry. And my "sleek" feeling of easily slipping the jeans on was returning into, "oh my very word... do I have THREE thighs?".

This weekend I stepped back up. Dusted off my Food tracking journal and got back down to business. I'm on day 3 and I feel AMAZING. Because I'm eating correctly I have tons of energy and I'm sleeping better. I know exactly what I can have and I love the guidelines that help me all through the day. Here's why Weight Watchers works for me:

-Food. I can have anything I want. Seriously... if I wanted to sit and eat candy all day long, I could - as long as I stayed within my "Points". I don't recommend eating candy all day, though. Trust me.
This is a good situation for me - I don't have to buy special foods {that we don't have money for} or worry about shopping anywhere specific. What my family is eating I can eat. Bonus: Most fruits and Veggies are all Zero points value so I can eat as much as I need to be full. For example - at lunch today I was still pretty hungry after my meal so I warmed up a serving of green beans, threw on some yummy spices and got to fill up on them! I was satisfied and they were delicious. Bananas are my saving grace usually - they fill me up, are sweet, so they cut that sweet tooth and are loaded with amazing nutrients to help me feel good.

-Tracking. Writing down everything I eat shows me my "weak" hours of the day and how I can plug in the correct foods/drinks to help me stay on track. If I want something special or out of the norm, say... a snickers bar... I can plan around that and stay right in line with where I need to be! :)

-Meetings. My leader is such a great gal. She is passionate and considerate and full of energy. It helps me to know she has lost her weight with the SAME program I'm using and still uses it to stay on track. It's a great opportunity to interact with new people and every meeting is encouraging. When I hit my 10lb mark I was applauded and cheered for. Women need that validation {at least I do!} and encouragement to keep going! I also really enjoy the meetings because they share recipes and ideas all the time. I've left almost every time feeling rejuvenated and ready to go at it again another week :)

-Results. This program works. Not only does it work but it's so easy. Stay within your points and lose weight. I don't even work out and I'm losing weight. It's all about portions and control and I love how easy it is. I heard another member say at a meeting once, "if you REALLY do the program it REALLY works, if you KINDA do the program, it KINDA works", and that has been true of my life. It always works...but could work more if I would really kick it up!


I'm not at a place where I'm ready to post a "fat" picture and then later post another one showing progress. Buahahaha - please, I don't wanna see that so I'm sure nobody else does either! But I will tell you - Weight watchers works and its easy and helpful and even kind of fun. So thankful the Lord is teaching me through this too...about my selfishness and lack of self control. Here's to 10 more pounds and 10 more lessons learned! My husband and I are going to San Diego in October, just the two of us, for a conference. My goal is to be down at least another 10 by then. We shall see :)

If you are at all considering... let this be your nudge to go ahead. It's worth it. :)

The one where I talk about body organs, grandma's china and my dollar tree finds!

At 8:30 this morning I was sitting, no lying, in an ultrasound room at the hospital. It's been a month since my last ultrasound and it was time to see just what was going on in there with my ol' gallbladder and liver. The Peace of God has been HUGE the last few weeks. I have barely even thought of this day - or the procedure - or the results. Ok, maybe a few times - but mostly, I haven't.

The tech took a good 30-35 minutes to do a "thorough study" of not only the above mentioned organs, but my spleen and both kidneys. Lovely. And I've said this once but I'll say it again... BORINGSVILLE is what I think of ultrasounds if a little babe isn't on the screen once that doppler is applied. Yawn.

This afternoon I got a totally unexpected phone call from my doctor to tell me ALL IS WELL and totally healed. Whatever it was that they saw last time that worried them is gone. And you know who gets ALL the praise for this! Thank you Lord! I have a follow up appointment on Friday and then no appointments scheduled again. Whew. I can hardly believe its all over. So very thankful. So that wraps up that portion of my life. A chapter I hope I don't have to repeat, but, have learned so many things through. I'm still processing it all.. but, it's all good.

I haven't done any posts on DIY or crafts or decorating for so long. There are multiple reasons. Obviously I was so sick for so long - but also because... I just didn't have any inspiration or ideas that I could actually follow through on. Our dining room has its new light hung and we love it. Now I just need to spruce up the rest of the room. But, isn't there always something?! Anyway, the Dollar Tree has some of their fall decor out. I'm not quite ready {or allowed?} to do any fall decorating just yet - but, I spotted some Onion Grass in their silk plants aisle. I love that stuff! It can be up to like $10 at Michaels or somewhere. It's a buck @ Dollar Tree! And looks great! So I grabbed a few until I really had a plan for it. Because... I've learned my lesson to not buy a huge amount unless I'm ready to just put it in a box in the basement and let it sit there for months. :) Anyone else? If I had a dollar for every good idea I've had and never followed through on...

The FINAL plan is to use the grass in the living room in my huge Ikea vases. Put some spanish moss in the bottoms and stick the grass in. Kind of a nice, end of summer look. And the green pops in our mostly brown living room. But, I popped them in with my daisies on the dining room table as a holding spot... and... can't say I'm hating how it looks!

I made the vase from two Dollar Tree candle holder things. The doily (sp?) was given to me, the ribbon was off of a gift and the daises are from our wedding decor. The onion grass was all I bought for this centerpiece. And, it's simple... my kinda style. Feels SO good to be up and making our house a home again with beautiful things.

And speaking of beautiful things...
When we were home in Ohio for Christmas my grandma gave me a tub of her china. I never registered or bought china for myself because secretly I always dreamed of inheriting some - that had a story and history with them. :) And now I had.

You can't see it well, but, there is a gold trim around the plate. I have a whole tub of plates, tea cups, etc. and gold silverware to match. So thankful for this precious gift. I'm thinking of cleaning out my whole hutch and putting them in. :) I was also given two beautiful pieces from grandmas collection that are so precious and special to me. I want to display them - still thinking about how to do that.

I would love to go with an antique tea room look in our dining room. Not sure I'd be allowed.. but, maybe if I slowly sneak things up on the walls no one would notice.

Got any display ideas on these two plates? The platter is massive and HEAVY. The round one was made in the early 1800's and is very frail.

Double sided heart

Life is weird. Lastnight we spent some time at a local splash park/pool with some friends - laughing, enjoying the water and just loving summer. Our children played, husbands rode the slides and we ladies got to chit chat. It actually felt like summer for me for the first time all year. {I even purchased a bathing suit!} The sky started out dark and ominous but it ended up sunny and perfect for swimming. The way some summer evenings are...

And while I was dangling toes in cool water, enjoying my 2 year olds shrieks of joy and fellowship with friends... my heart felt so torn. Life is weird because it goes on. My friend Becca is battling a disease - it's on my mind all the time. Right now things just don't look good, there's really no other way to say it. She has two precious little girls and a husband who loves her. My heart feels so double sided when things like this, in life, happen. How we have the capacity for extreme joy and fullness and deep grief all at once is amazing and complex. What a wonderful maker we serve. Please pray for Becca.

Today marks the last day of drugs for me. I take my very last dose of prednisone and I'm done. No more pain meds, no steroids, not even an antihistimine. I'm done! This is huge! I'm off all the creepy creams they gave me for my drug rash, too. Seriously - while God is good all the time - I'm especially grateful for His goodness in this area as I'm such an anti-medicine person. My liver enzyme count has normalized, white count is back to normal as well as platelets. Even just this last week I've seen a marked improvement in my energy level. Praise the Lord! Now... to work on this pasty, white colored skin.

On my last leg...

Friends, it's been a rough few days... or, maybe its weeks now - I'm losing track of time lately. On May 29th I woke up in excruciating pain, bone freezing chills and a fever. Weird. I felt like I had been hit by a truck or something. Flu like symptoms continued and I just got sicker and sicker, weaker and weaker. By about 8am I was in full blown sobs because of the pain. My husband returned from church and I made my way to a clinic that was thankfully open on Sundays - they diagnosed me with "Mastitis". While I won't get too graphic or go into much detail - I will tell you, it makes nursing nearly impossible. So I was put on an antibiotic and told it would slowly fade within 10 days. Guess what? 11 days later and I'm in worse pain, and actually, from my view things are WORSE. Horrible, horrible, throbbing pain all day and night. I can't pump anything out and little one can't nurse - so it continues.

I went back to the Dr yesterday (a new one...my OB) where they changed my drugs and said to wait three days MAX - if nothing clears, I'll need to be seen ASAP by a surgeon for possible blocked ducts or worse. So, here I sit - in just about the worst pain I've felt in awhile. And I have to constantly keep my thoughts right or that pit of pity just seems all too tempting. "Why me?", "Why now, she's such a great nurser otherwise?!", "Why after all my mothers left?", and after my quiet time this morning...
"How do I glorify God in my body and spirit with THIS?"

I will say - The people of God have been INCREDIBLE. Someone came and cleaned my house this morning, we've had meals brought every night and have several more signed up. Brad has taken days and afternoons to come home and just be with me. I'm being prayed for, hugged, sympathized with and the list goes on.

I have 2 more days until I can see anyone again. Is it possible to cry too much?!