He loves us.

This morning as I sat on the front porch for a few minutes alone with my coffee I looked up and noticed my Sedum plants. They are in this absolutely beautiful stage where the green buds are opening up into dark pink and purple blossoms. It only happens in late summer and by autumn they will dry out to be a pretty violet color. But something else caught my attention - the dew. It was covering everything. As I scanned my eyes over the plants, admiring the early sign of the new season coming I saw him. The bumblebee. Completely covered in dew and not moving. And as I looked more I noticed it wasn't just him, but several bumblebees sitting like this. Motionless. Dew coated. Were they dead? Asleep? So strange. Normally these sedums are swarming {literally} with activity so to see them silent and still was abnormal. My little girls joined me and we took some pictures and looked up bumblebee information online. Intriguing! Nothing like an early morning science lesson on the front porch.

After a few minutes another bumblebee flew in. He hadn't been on our plants and wasn't dew coated. We watched as he went from one bee to the next and he seemed to wake them up. It was so captivating to me. He would walk over to the motionless bee, prod him with a leg and like magic the wet bee moved. Then moved some more. Then was frantically walking all over the flowers again as if it had been doing it all along. I've never seen anything like it! It was beautiful.

Now, I'm not a scientist or apiarist by any means, but that was incredible to watch and study this morning. And after a very difficult and trying day yesterday, it was an awesome start to my Monday. Some would look at those crazy bees and think its just a bunch of bugs - but I totally see the hand of God at work, and animals under his reign doing exactly what He created them to do. It was encouraging as I was reminded that all things are under God's sovereignty and BY Him we are allowed and given this beautiful life. He is our God.

Psalm 95 -

Oh come, let us sing to the Lord;
    let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!

Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
    let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise! 

 For the Lord is a great God,
    and a great King above all gods. 

 In his hand are the depths of the earth;
    the heights of the mountains are his also. 

 The sea is his, for he made it,
    and his hands formed the dry land.

Oh come, let us worship and bow down;
    let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!

For he is our God,
    and we are the people of his pasture,
    and the sheep of his hand.

This week and upcoming new month brings some new challenges to our family. I'm going to call them opportunites. :) What a blessing to know we are loved, cared for, and that the Lord directs our steps. Be encouraged today, friends. Rest in His love for us.

.::ch-ch-changes::.

As if life needed more change. We are at it again switching things up and making some much needed (albeit sometimes difficult) changes. Which explains why my blog has been little more then an online ghost town of a space. :)

First up, duh-duh-duhn...
Meet my friend, Dave. You've heard of him I'm sure. If not, here's a picture.

My husband and I are taking a "Financial Peace" course through our church. So far, SO good. We are only in week 3 and I feel like the take-aways have been helpful and eventually life changing. This week we'll be testing the waters of the envelope system and looking proactively into setting up a solid emergency fund. We have never done either of those - so this should be a good challenge. Our goal in taking this course is to really get a grip on our finances. We praise God that our only debt is student loans (Dave says a mortgage is not considered a debt), and I don't say that lightly... as we both have... enough. (boo!) But being in our early thirties with three children under our belt - we really feel NOW is the time to get serious and take control. We have always lived with the mindset that on payday you set out your tithe, pay your bills and then just don't spend. Imagine my slight surprise to find out there are better ways. :) I'm eager and excited to put what we've learned to practice! I'm also looking forward to being prepared for emergencies, broken whatevers, and extra expenses. {sigh}
So, big change. But it's time.

Next, managing this home and these children.
Yikes. This stay at home mom thing is not for the faint of heart. There are days when I go to bed feeling completely exhausted and yet I cannot actually remember why I'm so tired. Been there?
Part of my problem I'm realizing is that I haven't delegated much out - and I'm taking on everything. Which, I enjoy doing, but it's time for a change here also. So, today I jotted out a few jurisdiction charts for my children and started my "command center" that I hope to get done here within a few weeks. It will be a spot for kids to check off finished chores, see meal schedules, school info, etc. I grabbed a notebook and made a chore chart for myself as well. I constantly feel like I can't stay on top of the house work & organization - so I get overwhelmed and just sit down and do nothing. And then that goes on for several days until our home resembles a Hoarders episode. Or... until we are going to have company. Hey, just being honest.
The organized work schedule is something that I have thrived on in the past and I know it will help me stay on task, and then have designated intentional time for my babies throughout the day. I need this. My family needs this. We have been in survival mode since my 8th month of pregnancy until now. It.must.end.

And, bible study. Another new.
In my 19 years of walking with the Lord I don't think I've ever done a study on the Sermon on the Mount personally. This year our fall ladies bible study is based on just that and it's AWESOME. Seriously. Jen Wilken teaches on a video lesson and then we have great discussion time after. I'm already so challenged on topics like - what really does it mean to be salt? To be light? What exactly do the beattitudes mean? So good.

Lots of changes. Lots of busy but good things.
Ah, life is sweet.

I want to get beyond imagining.

Life is so weird. And grand. A weird grandness. Maybe the word is just bittersweet. Life is bittersweet. We praise the Lord for life and the blessings that every day holds. But then the bitterness of pain, that comes in this life, raises its ugly head. Tempts us to turn our eyes and hearts away... from the other blessings still there. Tempts us to turn our eyes away from Christ. Tempts me to focus on... well, me feeling sad. 

In the last month my heart has been wrung out like an old soppy wet wash cloth. I have cried over babies passing into heaven, miscarriages, broken marriages, broken relationships, frustrations in ministry, frustrations with people, parenting struggles, relational struggles, a messy home, grumpy children - and really, can't we all just keep going with a list like that? In many ways this constant wringing has been good - like dross being melted off in a fire. I have learned so much of the Lords plan in my life and have had many good days of reflection and rejoicing because of that. "Oh, so that's why" moments. Priceless. But then, some things I just have to let the Holy Spirit cover for me {as if I had control over that, right?}. Pains and prayers I want to cry out but don't know how. Situations I want to sweep into and "fix" but can't. I feel soppy wet and useless. Just sitting there off to the side.

In her book, "The Wisdom of God", Author Nancy Guthrie has a great little snippet in the first chapter:

"Can you imagine what it would mean for you, like Paul, to put Christ crucified at the center of your life so that everything else revolves around it and emanates from it? How would it impact your Facebook status, your credit card bill, your vacation plans, your marriage or singleness, your parenting, your professional pursuits, your political involvement? Does not embracing this wisdom impact and inform every aspect of our ordinary lives?" 

Light bulb moment. Sitting in bible study this morning and then going over this paragraph again this afternoon - something clicked. When our eyes are on Christ and we are eagerly living out HIS plan for our lives there is IMPACT in our day to day. We are wrung out and then renewed. We see purpose in pain. We rejoice in the grand and the bitter. I sit here and think... I want to get BEYOND imagining. I want my life to look like this - like Paul's did. My life needs to revolve around this truth of Christ Jesus. And maybe... stop caring so much about MY heart, MY pain, MY whatever - and remind myself daily that I'm a small part of this big story - but still a part. Nancy says a few sentences prior, 

"My friend, you are part of a much grander story than just your little life. And the more you see your life in the context of this much bigger story, this much grander plan, the wiser  you become as you live it."

And maybe none of this even makes sense when I try to sit here and put it down in words. I'm just thankful today for the reminder that it's right and good to weep and mourn and care so much that it hurts - but, it's even greater to remember God's plan and the roles we each play in it. Get beyond imagining what life would like with a right focus - and, instead pray and ask God to transform you into a woman with that focus! 

My corner of the world

There is one particular spot in my home that I love most. It's not the cleanest, by any means, nor the nicest. You can see here that coloring books, crayons, and kids "stuff" has currently taken over. But, I enjoy it probably above other places. It's my front porch over sized chair. In the mornings it's cool and quiet - faces our street and I can see whats going on in the world around me. At least, our world on 1st Street. My bible, journal and the window ledge are there - which acts as my coffee table. On mornings before kids are awake I sit out there with my hot mug of coffee and prep for the day. Sadly, I don't do this often enough. To be honest, I haven't gotten up before my kids... in... a while. So my porch time has been lacking. And that would also include my bible time, journal time, and prep time. Argh.

This morning while the girls were sitting quietly for longer then 2 seconds...
I made my way out there. I held my coffee in one hand and just sat. Breathed. The air was cool and a few leaves have already fallen on the road - it made me tear up and I have no idea why. I think I'm crazy. No, the reality is that life has felt so difficult lately. So a few moments in a chair, on my porch, felt like healing.

Our bathroom is under construction, er... reconstruction, after finding water and a basically ruined sub floor under our vinyl. We've had an industrial dehumidifier and "mega" fan in there to get the moisture out of the floor so the business that will do our repairs can rip it all up and lay down new. We have been so thankful to work with this team of men who are excellent at what they do - and have been so kind and helpful to our family. This is our only bathroom - and, the unexpected need for repair has all but thrown me off. It's hot upstairs from the machines and pretty loud. It takes some getting used to.

My children, especially my biggest girl, seem to take every opportunity to choose wrong lately. I told my husband this morning - I feel like my entire day is spent disciplining, redirecting, warning & feeling upset. It's so difficult! I'm constantly fighting for joy. I never understood that phrase more clearly then I do lately. It IS a battle to choose joy in the midst of circumstances you'd rather not deal with. And in typical stress induced Mandi fashion... I have gained weight, again. We won't even go there in this post. Just, argh. Time and again I end the day feeling like a failure in every area. All the intentions have flown out the window and nothing I wanted to do was done. It's Sept. 6th and I don't even have any fall decorations up yet. And I know that's not the most important thing...but, just saying.

So, back to my porch chair.

I have met the Lord there on so many mornings. Poured out my heart on rainy days, and rejoiced on the glad, sunny, ones. I've journaled a hundred entries and underlined many bible verses... and some days just sat there praying in silence - or, out loud if my family wasn't around. It's my corner of the world where I feel like I can really put my feet up and pull myself together. Or should I say, let the Lord pull me together!? I'm eager to get back to it... consistently. Next week I begin a ladies bible study at church and I can't wait to curl up on my big ol' chair with my bible open ready to drink in the truth. I need it. I'm thirsty for it. Prepping in that chair and learning what the Lord has for me is something I look forward to - am eager for. My corner of the world. Such a blessing in my life. Now I just need some of those 70 degree days... once these 80's and 90's move on. :)

Do you have a spot? Where do you go to set the world aside and focus back in? I'd love to hear about it.

Bugs and Links

It's as if the whole world around me is breathing a sigh of relief as we woke up to COOL air {that wasn't from our AC}. We are finally going to be back down into the 80's this week. Our poor area is burnt to a crisp from weeks of 100's and blazing hot sun. My Ava took full advantage of the cool morning and headed outside just as soon as she could. Her excitement was contagious and before I knew it - we were fully into an early morning bug hunt. Jammies and all!

And let me tell you...we had great success! Two whole Cicadas {dead} and lots of "bug shells". There is something so special and wonderful about reliving childhood with your own children. I've said this before, but, I remember doing this very thing when I was her age. Peeking around every tree in our yard looking for "bug shells". We had a great bug hunt and after it was over she went on to play in the yard just enjoying life like 3 year old girls do. Only, mine is always barefoot and still in PJ's. :) 

While Ava was busy playing I brewed some coffee and set up my camping chair in the shade. It was a perfect morning for some outdoor devotions. {finally!} Daddy and Augs were napping so it was calm and quiet. My heart has been bound up with some fears and anxiety the last few days and I know that's a losing battle. I needed quiet time with the Lord and what a gift this perfect morning was just for that very thing. 

I will thank the Lord at all times.

    My mouth will always praise him.

² 

My soul will boast about the Lord.

    Those who are oppressed will hear it and rejoice.

³ 

Praise the Lord’s greatness with me.

Let us highly honor his name together.

⁴ 

I went to the Lord for help.

    He answered me and rescued me from all my fears.

Psalm 34. One of my favorites. Sitting in the cool of the morning and just crying out to God was just exactly what I needed - what my heart was craving. The Word of God is powerful and it changes you. I've asked the Lord to cover my heart in peace today... and I know He will take care of us. He always does.

In other news - have you seen that The Gospel Coalition for Women has their audio links up??? Yay! I want to encourage you to take some time and listen to them. These speakers are so gifted at preaching and teaching God's Word. What a blessing to be able to "sit" under such teaching - what a cool tech world we live in today, eh? My heart has been heavy for women lately - as I keep reading about this "Fifty shades" and "Magic Mike" stuff. The world {and prince of this world - Satan!} wants so badly to lure us away from truth...and fill our minds with garbage that robs the soul. For our husbands, for our children, for our SAVIOR we need to pursue truth and wisdom and purity. No wonder so many women are caught up in dispair and false hope - look at what we are filling our brains with!!
Can I beg you to take a listen to truth today? :)
My friend Kristi posted a super helpful link to some of the main speakers and I can't wait to digest them all. Have a peek here and I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Have a wonderful weekend! We are heading out for some splash park fun this morning and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us. :)

Not that it's easier...

This morning I was reading through 1 Kings. I've always enjoyed reading through the books of the bible which feature stories on David, etc. God worked so mightily in and through them - motivates me, another cracked vessel, that I can be used!

In the beginning of 1 Kings we read the story of how Adonijah (one of David's sons) tried to crown himself King. David was old and near death - so this son tried to move in quickly. The only problem was, it wasn't his place - Solomon (another son) was the promised King here. So Bathsheba and Nathan the prophet went to David to get to the bottom of this situation.  Short story even shorter... David announces and proclaims that Solomon, indeed, will be crowned King... and, NOW. :) 

What caught my attention this morning in the middle of this all too familiar story was David's challenge to Solomon. I must have read it 20 times in my life and it never struck me as it has today.

"...Keep the charge of the Lord your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His judgements, and His testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn." 1 Kings 2:3

Hmmmm. I love this. I love this for so many reasons. What a great reminder for even the readers today {you and me}that following and walking with the Lord does bring such prosperity in our lives! It's not that life gets easier...

but, we are STRONGER in the Lord.

I'm thankful this morning for the promises we can claim as believers. I'm thankful that we have a guideline for how we live in this broken world where everyone seems to be making up their own "rules". I'm thankful for an unchanging God who loves me and wants the best for me. He never promised an easy life for any of us - but, He promises to be there and walk right along with us every step of the way.

Mourning Cows?

So, I'm reading through the book of Jonah and it's so familiar. So familiar that it can be dangerous. And I mean... I get lazy. I get too familiar and stop being open to how God can use scripture in my life - even well known passages and stories. Seriously, who doesn't know the story of Jonah and the big fish/whale/whatev. I've heard it twice a year since I was 5 or something.

But today I was STRUCK with something new. Mourning Cows.
Yep, you read that correctly. Cows in mourning.

"...Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste anything; do not let them eat, or drink water. But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily to God; yes, let everyone turn from his evil way and from the violence that is in his hands." Jonah 3:7b-8

I'm struck by a few things from this passage in general.
1) The people were so full of remorse and sickness over their sin that they even covered their animals in sackcloth. It was their custom {Persians} to include their animals in mourning ceremonies (source: MacArthur). They took their sin seriously.

2) That God relented. Verse 10 says, "Then God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God relented."

What would our country look like if we took sin that seriously? Interesting. This huge massive city of Ninevah - guilty of idolatry and endless other big time offenses {but aren't they all big?!} took Jonah's word seriously and were spared. Can you imagine? If you know the Lord, you understand a taste of that... but, really, can you imagine modern day today having someone tell you your city was toast in 40 days if you don't change everything you do? If the city of Des Moines was told to stop their sin and evil and repent... I think people here would laugh. No, I know they would. Just something to think about.

I'm convicted this morning AGAIN of taking sin seriously. Mourning over it. Being heartsick and barely able to function unless I'm right with God. How often does it become the norm in my life to hold grudges, disrespect my spouse, treat my children in a rough manner and then expect them to be gentle? I'm reminded of how BIG God is - so Big and in charge. And how patient, loving and forgiving He is. There is NO SIN TOO BIG. I'm reminded how I can come to Him at all times and pour out my heart. When He looks at me He sees His Son, Jesus. Ah, Amen!

Mourning cows. Funny to think about today...
But, maybe we need to get back to that? And maybe we need to quit letting sin slide.

"So rend your heart, and not your garments; Return to the Lord your God, For He is gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, and of great kindness; and He relents from doing harm."
Joel 2:13

"Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us."
Psalm 62:8

"If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord WILL NOT HEAR."
Psalm 67:18

"But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin."
1 John 1:7