Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I want to get beyond imagining.

Life is so weird. And grand. A weird grandness. Maybe the word is just bittersweet. Life is bittersweet. We praise the Lord for life and the blessings that every day holds. But then the bitterness of pain, that comes in this life, raises its ugly head. Tempts us to turn our eyes and hearts away... from the other blessings still there. Tempts us to turn our eyes away from Christ. Tempts me to focus on... well, me feeling sad. 

In the last month my heart has been wrung out like an old soppy wet wash cloth. I have cried over babies passing into heaven, miscarriages, broken marriages, broken relationships, frustrations in ministry, frustrations with people, parenting struggles, relational struggles, a messy home, grumpy children - and really, can't we all just keep going with a list like that? In many ways this constant wringing has been good - like dross being melted off in a fire. I have learned so much of the Lords plan in my life and have had many good days of reflection and rejoicing because of that. "Oh, so that's why" moments. Priceless. But then, some things I just have to let the Holy Spirit cover for me {as if I had control over that, right?}. Pains and prayers I want to cry out but don't know how. Situations I want to sweep into and "fix" but can't. I feel soppy wet and useless. Just sitting there off to the side.

In her book, "The Wisdom of God", Author Nancy Guthrie has a great little snippet in the first chapter:

"Can you imagine what it would mean for you, like Paul, to put Christ crucified at the center of your life so that everything else revolves around it and emanates from it? How would it impact your Facebook status, your credit card bill, your vacation plans, your marriage or singleness, your parenting, your professional pursuits, your political involvement? Does not embracing this wisdom impact and inform every aspect of our ordinary lives?

Light bulb moment. Sitting in bible study this morning and then going over this paragraph again this afternoon - something clicked. When our eyes are on Christ and we are eagerly living out HIS plan for our lives there is IMPACT in our day to day. We are wrung out and then renewed. We see purpose in pain. We rejoice in the grand and the bitter. I sit here and think... I want to get BEYOND imagining. I want my life to look like this - like Paul's did. My life needs to revolve around this truth of Christ Jesus. And maybe... stop caring so much about MY heart, MY pain, MY whatever - and remind myself daily that I'm a small part of this big story - but still a part. Nancy says a few sentences prior, 

"My friend, you are part of a much grander story than just your little life. And the more you see your life in the context of this much bigger story, this much grander plan, the wiser  you become as you live it."

And maybe none of this even makes sense when I try to sit here and put it down in words. I'm just thankful today for the reminder that it's right and good to weep and mourn and care so much that it hurts - but, it's even greater to remember God's plan and the roles we each play in it. Get beyond imagining what life would like with a right focus - and, instead pray and ask God to transform you into a woman with that focus! 

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