Baby Weight. Seriously though...

So, I'm breastfeeding this time around. And by that I mean... it's going well and we are strictly nursing no supplementing, no breaks, no reason to. It's Ah-mazing. Jane seems to just get it, which is totally unlike my other two children. Strange, but I am NOT complaining. :) This child eats and sleeps and that is her life - and she's chubby and happy and sleeps. But I have already covered that. It's awesome. I feel good.

I also feel... slightly fat.

Now, before I get a zillion comments about how it will eventually go away and to treasure these days, etc. I AGREE on those points. Perhaps, though, I'm treasuring the food a little more and forgetting that while I am burning the calories while nursing - it's not a free for all. (bummer) I'm literally hungry ALL.THE.TIME and because it's this urgent starvation feeling I just go for what's easy - banana's, something peanut buttery, or... all the amazing desserts we got with our "new baby meals". Those meals have now come to an end and perhaps that is best for me. :)

While I have lost some weight, I feel like I have SO much more to go. The task seems daunting and today I feel discouraged about it. I'm also super curious how you moms do it... losing the weight so quickly, that is. And how on earth do you have time to exercise or practice any form of fitness?? I am on a 3 hour routine of nursing, baby napping, keeping other 2 alive... repeat. There is little to no time to even cycle through the laundry or sit down {and not be nursing}. I'm not a multi-tasker when it comes to that sit down time. And that's another post all together. The other night I nibbled on some carrots because I read they help with lactation - but, the entire time I was pretending they were chicken wings and big fat juicy bbq ribs. Don't judge.

Ah, baby weight. You sweet little reminder that Hershey bars and entire bags of chips probably weren't worth it that last month of pregnancy. {sigh} I will conquer you after Christmas.

Just for the record, I really am ok and not too super discouraged.
After all, we just ordered pizza for dinner. ;)

May 30, 2014 {Thoughts}

Well, my due date is looming in front of me... 5 days. I've been "checked" for the last several appointments and remain at a 1cm. So, if I don't go into labor before - Tuesday I have a non stress test and ultrasound to check on baby. While I haven't taken too many pics of this belly, here's one from 2 weeks ago - roughly 37ish weeks. And I laugh at the poor, poor, quality of my little ol' cell phones pics :) But you get the point.

In the meantime we have:
-Ava's 1st dentist appointment
-a ballet rehearsal and recital the next two nights in the next town over
-one more graduation open house
And...
An entire week of Vacation Bible School at church, of which my husband plays a large role. :)

It makes my head spin and sorta dread when my girls are older and get into sports and activities. I am a homebody through and through. But for this moment today, I'm sipping my coffee, enjoying my young children and waiting for a baby to come. May ends this weekend and then life changes for us. A new season, in many ways.

Despite my elephant ankles and restlessness I have gotten a few house projects done. Though my list goes on and on and on. We ripped down some wallpaper on the basement stairs and were pleasantly surprised to find GRAY paint underneath :) I've been working on our finished side down there and finally got my dresser painted and curtains made to hide the "laundry side". I'm planning to paint the walls green :) GREEN! Everything down there is cream and bland, so it's getting a makeover. In time. The dresser was FREE and given to us about 5 years ago - I spray painted it white and spray painted the pulls metallic bronze. It's now perfect for crafts of all sorts for the girls :) {Also, may make a great place to stop and fold laundry... until I get my vignette up above it}

The curtains were super easy and I whipped them up on a saturday morning :) I bought the material and made them, then realized we had about 5 inches on the bottom...too short. So I grabbed my extra burlap and extended them. LOVE how it turned out.

Life rolls on and we are eager to meet our #3 girl! Especially these two, who, now that they share a room are enjoying the pleasures of all things 6am. {Sigh}

Mixing everything at once.

I feel like a human blender today. I'm working on being very pregnant (37 weeks!) while finishing up the nursery and misc other 100 jobs I can think of to be "ready" for baby and family to follow. Note: Why DO we put so much pressure on ourselves to make things "perfect" for the mom that's coming to HELP us?! :) Rant over...continue.
I'm also working full steam on my baby girls THIRD birthday party to be held this Saturday after a busy afternoon of high school graduation open houses. Whew. I'm tired and it's only Wednesday. Tack on the everyday chores, raising two bouncy girls, ministry responsibilities and preparing somewhat decent meals... it's just a big mix of life. And it's all good.

This weekend my husband was THE MAN. He spent most of his day off on Friday helping me clean the house and really did mostly everything himself as I can't seem to peel myself off of the couch. :) So thankful for him. We binned up and moved about a million bins of girls clothes down to the basement - and I feel a little more organized. We purchased bunk beds online, as well as a few other needed items for the new babe. And then he made Mothers Day so special complete with gifts and a wonderful lunch at my fave place - PF Chengs. :) Yum! I napped all afternoon and that night went out with some girl friends for a ladies night. It was heavenly. These little ladies are what make me a mommy and I love them to pieces! Even though they make ridiculous faces.

As I mentioned, my baby turn 3 on Saturday. I'm struggling with that just a little bit because all I can see is this pic of her fresh face the day after she was born.

So, time seems to have once again slipped on and my newborn is turning 3. (sniff) I know my arms will soon be filled with newborn-ness, but each child is so precious and special. I always kinda mourn the growing up part. 

I'm planning a special Fairy themed birthday party for her this weekend I can't wait to make it happen! Really praying for enough energy and that the day goes so well. Hopefully I'll get some pics up of the actual day, but here's a peek at just a few of things I'm planning for my special fairy-obsessed-little girl :) 

Fairy houses: we'll be decorating our own.Walmart had tiny houses for .97! Auggie calls them "Stuck houses" because Tink got stuck in one in one of the fairy movies :) I love it! We have all sorts of glitter and sequins and stickers to make them lovely. :) Still debating the moss... would 3 year olds enjoy that?

And, a dum dum tree. Just because its cute and easy and yummy. August thinks Dum Dums are the best candy ever. 

And then just some every day birthday party fun... 

I'm planning to fill an inflatable pool with those multicolored plastic balls - ball pit! And we'll have streamers and fairy wings, etc. Oh I so hope my girlie feels special. 

All kinds of busy going on all around us. We are in the homestretch and I'm secretly hoping that maybe this baby would want to join us in 2 weeks rather then 3. We'll see! 

I'm here, I'm fine, I'm... very pregnant.

Would you believe that for this entire pregnancy I have taken maybe 4 pictures of myself? 4? I documented so well the growth of the belly with my last two babes, yet somehow baby this time is just not getting the picture time. I'm seeing more and more how all those sayings about "Third borns" are true. :) Hopefully we'll remember to take one at the hospital before go-time.

I'm 35 weeks and the finish line is in sight! It's beyond crazy to me that we are already to May and that in just a few short weeks baby will be here in our arms (Lord willing!).
We still have some projects to finish up:
-Purchase bunk beds and move August in with big sis
-Purchase additional mattress for said bunk bed
-Fix up the beat up crib and move it back to highest position
-Move the girls newly painted shared dresser to their shared room
-Take a hospital tour. We are delivering at a new hospital and I'm a bit nervous.
-Order the new pump...really hoping insurance goes a long way for this item!
-Paint the nursery? I SO want this to happen, but when?!
-Plan and celebrate Auggie's THIRD birthday!!!!

Pregnancy wise I feel GREAT just pretty tired all the time. My husband is awesome and has been the picture perfect patient, loving, and errand running kind of daddy to be (again). I'm so thankful for him and the 10pm run to the grocery for pre-cut watermelon, ice cream bars and coke lately. :) He's the best and I'm severely thankful. Even when day after day after day he comes home to a less then tidy house... what a treasure.
I've been having days, full days, where I have contractions all day off and on and no position changes or water drinks stop them. No one seems concerned and then the day after they are gone again. I'm curious to see what my dr says next week at my 36 week appointment. I'm also curious if I'll have another due date baby, go late like daughter #1 or... will we have a surprise EARLY girl? I love pregnancy but I'm starting to think a late May babe might be ok too. :)

Today I used up my Target coupons to stock up on diapers - and because I'm pretty random and love trying everything, I got one of every package... some pampers, some Huggies and a package of UP & Up for down the road. My mini-stock pile seems a little more hopeful now. The Lord has provided for us in HUGE ways with this baby by means of people giving us their gently used stuff, it's amazing. We now have a plug in swing, new travel system, bouncers, clothes, exersaucer. etc. There are just a few "must buy" items left! :)

Life wise... we are doing fine. It's the end of the student ministry year and we are full steam ahead with banquets, sr trips, open houses, graduations and normal end of the season stuff. As much as we love our youth staff and teens - I think everyone is ready for a beak in routine, not to mention some summer weather!

I've been so hit and miss around the ol' blog and I can be sure it will stay like that for awhile. But, I'm here, I'm fine, I'm very pregnant. :)

When it's really real. Or, life in the tundra.

It's still very much winter and I'm very much feeling fed up with myself. Life is real, people. Real around here. My kids may have eaten at least 2 meals a day in front of cartoons...for the last few days. We are a mix of toys, blankets, markers, scraps of papers, clean and dirty dishes, misc art supplies, baby dolls and empty yogurt cups. All in the name of keeping entertained. 

Life in the tundra is taking it's toll, even though I have tried, prayed and cried to avoid it. But I feel as if maybe I'm adding to my stress. We mom's do that ya know!

#1 - Because it's been sooo cold, every day, I haven't been able to finish any of my organization projects. Mostly because they involved painting or spray painting something. So my breeze way (where shoes, coats, etc would go) is 50% or less finished. It's now looking more like a garage storage closet with a fine mix of recycling, Christmas decor, a baby changing table that hasn't moved up yet, and just life. It annoys me every day - but, alas, I value my fingers and have to wait til its warmer. 

#2 - We need to move our 2 year old in with our 5 year old...and soon. However, the dresser I need for their combined room needs to be spray painted and is waiting in the freezing garage. And the dresser I need for the new nursery is serving currently as the 5 year olds dresser.  We also haven't found bunk beds yet - or bedding - or really figured out how we are realistically going to do this and keep our sanity. :) So I have two bedrooms upstairs that are a bad mix of 2 year old, 5 year old, and newborn things. It's bad, people. Bad. Add to that the fact that my 5 year old is rapidly outgrowing everything she owns so I'm constantly pulling clothes out of drawers and closets to put away, only I'm out of bins to store it in so it becomes piles upon piles in already too filled closets. Claustrophobia is real. And this theme of disorganization seems to be spread out through several spots in our home simply because I'm exhausted and don't have an extra ounce of energy to do it after children are in bed. We will not even be discussing my linen closet or basement right now. 

#3 - My 5 year old seems to be struggling with making friends and being a friend. Last night after everyone was tucked in bed the stress of the day just washed over me and I cried like a baby on the couch. It's PAINFUL to watch your child learn and grow through difficult times. It seems my girl needs constant attention and redirection and somedays (lately most days...) it's more then I can bear. Last night we prayed together through tears and she asked God to change her heart (and from what I could hear the entire personality of the other party who caused her grief) and it reminded me how BIG this job is - there is never an off day. She's not at a place of understanding yet...but I pray the Lord continues to soften her. 

#4 - Pregnancy. I'm tired. A lot. 

And lately I'm waking up with the birds, literally, and then dragging through the day. NOT GOOD. I'm hungry at weird times but never sure what for and though I don't "feel" super pregnant, things don't fit right - even maternity clothes. Another not pretty reality. 

#5 - I miss my mom and dad. 

My family is 12 hours away and sometimes I feel that more then others. This time in my life I'm feeling it so much. What I would give to spend a day with my parents - to let my kids hang out with their grandparents. I miss them, I'm homesick for them, and selfishly it would be such a blessing to let the girls go to grandma's for the weekend. Specifically this weekend as my husband is set to leave again on another trip, that I could go on, but can't find overnight child care. Bah. I'm envious of the families here that all have each other - even though I know it's not always easy. I'm feeling very alone and sometimes forgotten. 

It's been a difficult last few days and I know it's going to be ok, just part of the refining... it's just a bad combination of life right now and feels a bit overwhelming. I'm thankful for the moments of quiet in God's word to settle me, or the kind texts from friends and family far away. It'll be ok - I'm just feeling reality right now more then usual. And I'm not sure I like it. 

Also, did the price of diapers go up?! 

If I had a million dollars.

Years ago that annoying song by BNL (I can't even handle that bands name) came out with the catchy tune,

"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy yer looo-ooo-ooove". 

Carry on many verses and choruses peaking of buying ketchup packets and mini refrigerators, etc. If you aren't familiar - you aren't missing much. But growing up in the high school years it seemed to be on the radio, constantly. Ah, who said the 90's were all that bad!? :)

Anyway, after doing some browsing on some of my favorite shopping sites this morning - I have the chorus in my brain. Is it just me or did the cost of EVERYTHING go up substantially over the last 5 years?! Perhaps I'm just more sensitive to it now as I begin to plan and prepare for this June baby.

Browsing through Amazon.com this morning I was "oooohing" and "ahhhhing" over these darling little sets, and then remembering... oh yea, bottles. And onesies. Paci's. And we should probably splurge on a new baby tub as ours is... gross. So if we had a million dollars I might be tempted to go ALL NEW with this little one. Good thing we don't. A good thing there are a million other things we could spend a million dollars on - more important things. :)

These little laced trimmed bodysuits....

 

Or what about this fun pink and brown stroller?! We are having another girl, so it wouldn't be horrible to buy a PINK stroller, right?

But, back to clothes... I don't remember things being so cute 5 1/2 years ago with our 1st girl. And there was def NOT an anchor theme, which seems to keep catching my eye. And, furthermore... all these cute summer time clothes are making me itch a little for the sun.

 

So yea, if I had a million dollars set aside for just baby stuff I think I could find a way to use it all. :)
But since I don't and I do have the wonderful joy of having TWO girls who have come before - we'll be thrilled to use our bins of girls clothes again, and maybe splurge on one or two little things for little miss before she arrives. And hopefully I can figure out a nursery idea before she is here. Pinterest has been helpful, of course. I'm eager for some warmth to show up so I can work on painting and creating! Here's an idea I've found:

 

This nursery would be WAY different then the normal pink/brown I always do. But I keep coming back to it and something about it just gets my attention. I already have a small brown dresser, and our crib is brown - so it would be easy. I dunno.

But then I get back into my frugal thinking - we already have SO much pink and brown, it would be easy to just throw together a simple nursery and then add little touches. I even have that very ottoman that goes with the recliner rocker.

 

 Fun to dream. Fun to plan. 

The doldrums of winter (and...baby 3 update)

February 4th and the sky is full of beautiful, falling, snow... again. I had read one of those Facebook articles that said Iowa would see snow every day for the next two weeks and I just chuckled. Seems people are starting to feel some cabin fever/snow crazy, and the snow just keeps falling. Kinda reminds me of the movie "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" when it snows for months and months.

We are doing ok here.  Even though I'm down to ZERO groceries and ZERO motivation to get groceries - we are enjoying a snowy morning at home (I will regret this at lunchtime!). My hubby left today for a trip to Chicago with our pastoral staff. He'll be gone until Saturday and I actually cried when he walked out the door. It's been a while since I've done that. Blame the doldrums of winter, two busy kids, and preggo hormones. :)

My eldest seems to take after me in that she's emotional. She is especially fond of her daddy and it's harder for her to go days and days without him. So after daddy left we turned the dining room table into a craft zone and the girls set to work. They have been on a "Brave" kick so I scoured Spotify and found some new Irish and Scottish music to work by. It was a quick and easy distraction, thankfully! And now daddy has a stack of cards to come home to.

Yesterday we got to have an ultrasound for baby #3 - it was a wonderful experience! We had a great tech who took extra time to get good pictures and was really chatty with us. Baby even gave us a big mouth open shot, a first for us to see! We had never gotten any shots like this one, either! Very exciting day. I love the little hand up rubbing the eye, precious.

This peanut is already a pound (and 4oz!) and was just as busy as can be moving all around. Don't you just love those lips?!? The tech also commented that she has never seen such long toes and fingers before on a 23 week old unborn child! (Thank you Pausley side...) We are in love.
And it looks like very soon my hubby will be even more outnumbered as we welcome BABY GIRL #3 in June! I can hardly believe it, still. I actually cried when we found out. And then cried because I felt bad about crying. I am so thankful for this little girl and can't wait to kiss those smoochy baby lips. Now to think about a girl name... well, at least we have time. :) And, all the clothes.

Winter rolls on and I suppose I should get out of these comfy Jammies and get something accomplished today. I just know that all too soon the crash of spring and summer busy is upon us, so maybe I'll sip the coffee a while longer, linger in my bible reading, and let the girls play in dress up dresses until nap time. Happy Tuesday, friends.

P.S. In the spirit of Valentines day, take a minute and go listen to the song "Together" by Steven Curtis Chapman. Ah, so good. Be prepared to cry - especially if your hubby is traveling and you won't see him for 5 days. {Sniff} I'm thinking of doing a giveaway this month of this album - if I can find it.
 
Am I the only one on earth who still listens to CD's?! :)

Some things...

This poor ol' desktop computer is on it's last leg (again) I believe. Let's see if we can make it through this little post... a technological miracle :) Happy Midweek to you wherever you are! Here in Iowa it's snowing and sunshiney at the same time. Bizarre. The weather here is not only unpredictable, but, just strange.

poor christmas tree.. one day we will burn you. :) 

But we can't and won't complain today as we snuggle in for a warm day with the fireplace on. I have been missing this whole blogging thing lately, but the busy days and tired nights haven't lended any extra time. And all the busy moms say amen. :) Things are going well here in our home as we prep for the end of January {already?!}and gear up for a VERY busy Spring time. Not to mention the last few months before this new baby arrives. {gulp}

Some bullet point updates will work best, shall we?

- Appliances. Who needs them!? Ok, maybe us. I think we are just a few short months away from needing to replace our above the stove microwave and our gas oven. They look to be the original pieces that came with this house. Blah. Homeownership. Let's also tag on mattresses... who knew they went bad?! I read somewhere that after 7 to 8 years a mattress is officially "no good". Well, that seems to be a fitting category for our hunk o' springs. I'm dreaming of a new mattress... or a new back and set of hips. Perhaps the mattress would be easier to replace. :) Especially were it THIS mattress. The camp we stay at a few times during the year has these mattress on their guest beds and I LOVE THEM. Cushy, soft, surrounds you, type of deal. It's a wee bit out of our range, but, I can pretend!

Speaking of hips.
- I'm in my 21st week of pregnancy already. Had an appointment yesterday and the heartrate was right at 157, the lowest we've ever heard. Any guesses on gender? My husband is CONVINCED its a third girl. I haven't a clue. Our ultrasound is in two weeks and we are still deciding if we'll find out or not. The pregnancy is going smoothly and besides being tired alllll the time and some weird ligament pain, all is well. My 5 year old has caught onto some of my pregnancy eating habits and is now using them against me. Just today she said, "Mommy, we should go to Jimmy Johns for lunch, I know how much you like it there." BUSTED. And yes we did go and the Vito & cherry coke is always, always, worth it :) Aside from the much desired Vito, I'm all about avocados, oranges and eggs {with the yolks warm and runny}. SALT SALT SALT sounds good to me all the time. This is strange. I still don't have much to show in the way of a baby belly, but I do feel kicks finally and the other night one kick was hard enough to see on the outside. I am so thankful to be carrying this baby and can't believe we are half way done.

-We have another potty trained girl! I got tired of changing poopy 2 1/2 year old diapers so I threw her in big girl panties and we went with it. She caught on immediately and I'm amazed. Why didn't I do this sooner?! She's pretty proud of herself and we are thankful for another "easy" potty training scenario. Tho... any advice on getting her to do  #2 is welcome. She is still scared on that one. Bah!

- The house post-Christmas decor is looking a little sad. As I walked through our sitting room this morning I realized, we have got to pull this place together. It's a mad mix of laundry, misc toys, and remaining "christmas" items that need put away. So many plans, so little time...and energy.

- I'm reading some pretty great books right now and love the variety of them.
One of our cell groups is going through this book by Sinclair Ferguson & I'm into it already.

Amazon says this about it:

"'Christian doctrine matters for Christian living.' This is 'one of the most important growth points of the Christian life', writes Sinclair B. Ferguson. From this starting point, The Christian Life expounds such key biblical themes as grace, faith, repentance, new birth and assurance with clarity and contagious enthusiasm. 'Chrisitan doctrines are life-shaping', explains the author, because 'they show us the God we worship'."

I love the depth, but while making it easy to understand. We have some new believers in our group and it's so awesome to hear their take aways and moments of learning. So good!

I also just purchased this little book as it was recommended in another book, "Letters to Pastors Wives" that I'm loving every day!

My heart is more and more sensitive and eager and to show hospitality and the description along with the recommendation sold me! Having new neighbors and being involved as a staff wife at church affords me a lot of opportunities. :) 

"Hospitality may well be the best means we have to promote close, brotherly love--especially in churches where people don't know each other beyond Sunday-morning-only greetings.

Hospitality is also an effective tool for evangelism. Showing Christ's love to others in a home environment may be the only means Christians have to reach their neighbors for Christ."

Last, THIS bible. I've always wanted to read through chronologically but never have. Found this super cheap on Amazon and have been so enjoying the break up of readings each morning. :)

It's Wednesday, which means it's student ministries night. Every week I love to see what the Lord is doing with our middle school and high school students - we have seen some incredible things happen and tonight should be no different. Hoping things in your world are going well and you continue to see the Lord working on your heart and changing your life. Have a good one! 

Mid week Happenings.

Compared to most weeks I'm feeling a little more laid back today. A glance at my planner this morning reminded me why - it's a "Slow" week and for that I am thankful! I so enjoy every little and big thing we are a part of, but it makes the slow weeks even more appreciated. And since my pregnant body seems to need more sleep then ever... it's all good to slow down and rest.

I have had time this week to really sit back and ENJOY my children. They are hilarious. My two year old is all about dress up there days. She takes it so seriously and it's all I can do to convince her to put real clothes on to leave the house. I love this pic of her from earlier this week - dress up dress, legos & a pretzel rod. Being 2 is so much fun!

Yesterday we headed downtown, which the girls enjoy. I had to make the sad visit to say goodbye to my OB office {change of insurance}to sign medical records release forms and just about the only thing that could cheer me was a VITO. Oh you know what I'm talking about... The Vito, from Jimmy Johns. My girls agree - it's our favorite "fast" food. :)

What is it about that place? I could seriously have the exact same thing, from there, every day of the week. I had my first pregnancy induced "second lunch" the other day, and it was JJ's. :) Guess I'll add that to my weird pregnancy facts sheet for this babe - craving meat and italian dressing. Who knew?! But anyway, we had such a nice lunch together and they were dolls. August, always working the crowd, even stood up to dance along with the song on the radio at one point. Those downtown business men didn't know what was going on and I just had to laugh. :) 

After lunch we spent some time at the library and, if I let them, my girls would stay there for hours. They love looking at all the books, puzzles, computer games, and movie selections. I let them choose a Shirley Temple movie (their fave right now) and we've now watched "A little Princess" 3 times. {sigh} Nevermind all those books we checked out about snow....

We spent this morning at our church working on childrens church crafts - a new(er) thing I've picked up to do every week this month. I enjoy it and the kids always look forward to playing with other toys while there. What a nice few days we've had.

This afternoon I've been working on this shelving unit for the new BIG GIRLS room. It's almost done! While not nearly as nice {or sturdy} as the Ikea shelves I wanted... it was in the budget, easily accessible and will do the job. Now that the girls are getting old we are starting to have more "sets" of toys - Minnie's Bowtique alone takes up an entire cloth bin! And don't even get me started on the Our Generation doll clothes/shoes/accessories. :)  And I have a feeling Lego's will be more in our vocab once big girl hits kindergarten this fall. Eek!

A friend mentioned she has FREE bunk beds we can have, that will just need some paint, and then all we'll need is a full mattress. I'm excited to put their new room together...and yet, a little weepy about moving my baby out of the crib in time for the next one. Especially because my baby sleeps 4 hours in the afternoon! I know that won't happen anymore, boo!

Wednesday. Our last calm day before a busy weekend.
I'm enjoying every minute! What does your mid week look like? Got any fun plans or to do's?

Nausea and Worry

Since my husband and I embarked on this journey of pregnancy and child rearing way back in 2007 - I've battled. It wasn't over getting fat or body changes or anything like that...but just a general fear of the unknown. We lost our first baby in December 2007, which means as of this past week it's been 6 years. It's still strange and painful to me that if that baby would have been born - we'd have a 5 1/2 year old right now. It was a June due date - just as the child I currently carry has. Maybe that's why I'm battling with worry MORE with this pregnancy.

A few months ago a sweet gal I know suffered a loss at 14 weeks which is where I am on this very day. The start of a new trimester and yet I still find my self surrendering fears to the LORD almost daily. You would think that after 6 years and two healthy pregnancies it would be easier. It's not. But I thank the Lord for this gift of empathy and sensitivity and I pray that I can continue to use my past experience to bless and encourage other Mom's who have to go through it. Nothing is wasted with our God!

14 weeks today and I feel just about as nauseated as I did 7 weeks ago, which is strange to me. My normal pregnancy routine was to be sick about 6 weeks, then magically better. Aka: Second Tri. This time it's SO SO different. I'm starting to believe that my 31 year old body + 2 children + busy ministry lifestyle = continued sickness contribution. Anyone wanna scientifically verify that? That, and, I can't seem to keep nutrition at the forefront this time. Yesterday it was 5:30pm and it dawned on me all I had eaten that whole day was 1 cake doughnut and a bowl of rice. Folks, that doesn't help anyone. But, slowly, the ol' appetite is returning and once I go grocery shopping I plan to buckle down and get serious. I promise.

There have been food aversions aplenty this time around and only a few things that I really want alll the time - when I am feeling up to eating.

- Watermelon & citrus fruits, I cannot get enough.
- Fancy breads (artisan). And thanks to my dear friend, Emily, I got to majorly indulge in some amazing Focaccia the other day. Who doesn't love a good crunch on the outside, buttery, herby, delicious bread?! Oh man, now I want more. And, stock in Panera so I can have bread anytime...
- Aldi's Cranberry Almond Chicken salad: (say what?!)

This is the one that doesn't make any sense to me. First, it has meat in it (gag), second, it's fruit in a salad... which I normally don't enjoy, third, Mayo based. All things I normally just pass up. But for some reason - that salad with hard crackers feels like a banquet. Don't even read the nutrition label, it's fatty goodness in a plastic bowl. :)
- Cold, Cold, water. I'm not one of those momma's who enjoys drinking 9 gallons a day for my health. I normally have to force myself to finish one camelbak a day. (tisk, tisk) Lately, however, I cannot get enough. 

It's almost 4pm and just writing about that made me queasy. Ha! Might need to go sneak some more watermelon out of my fridge. Thankful for the sickness today - and praying the Lord continues to sustain. :)

Adventures 'round here

Happy December.
I have missed blogging and putting words down lately. Life has been so full and busy and I have been struggling with getting things done. I think December lends to the "extras" that need done, but still, I miss this blog and I miss reading yours, friends.

It's December 4 and I seem to have gotten my pre-holiday melt down out of the way already. It was on Monday. My husband came home to me sitting in front of our Christmas tree, crying. I'm laughing about it now - but, it wasn't funny then. You see - our van battery has died and there isn't a spare day to take the time and get a new one. So, I'm semi STUCK at home. No grocery shopping, no trips out, etc. Normally I'm fine with that but... I have a zillion things on the to do list.
- Gathering and prep for our ladies Christmas event this weekend
- Groceries. We have NONE. (We literally had hot dogs without buns and canned beans the other night)
- Trip to the craft store, because I wanted to make things for Advent with my children.

I've been feeling so defeated an ineffective as a homemaker, mother and wife. Like there is so much to DO and my heart just wants to BE. Does that even make sense? My dreamy pictures of what I want the season to look like never happen. Mostly because they aren't realistic :) In my defense, I do have a little reason for the up's, down's and extreme emotions: WE ARE PREGNANT! Yup, baby on the way. I'm in my 13th week and the nausea has still not let up. It's been a rough beginning and I'm still napping every single day. So, I've been pregnant the entire time since we bought and moved into our new home - so all the projects I've dreamed of getting done are on the back burner because the energy is just not there. A day at a time is the new goal and we are excited to meet this baby in June.

We have gotten one major thing done - our antique buffet! It's all painted now and I just need to do one more coat of poly, then distress it like crazy!

 

This is where I gush and tell you how much I love my husband. He has been pushing me for THREE years to finish this beast up - his push was just what I needed. I'll try and get some "final project" pics up here soon. It's a wonderful addition to our new home! I also finally got our antique windows hung and started painting our breezeway. Feels good to get a few things done.

Today I was able to drink almost a full cup of coffee without wanting to vomit, so I'm hoping to get the rest of the Christmas decor up and the house clean. It's the little things, remember?

The adventures continue around here and we are learning to love every moment. Even dinners of hot dogs and canned beans. :)

The Story of August Hope

Every "birth"day story is a special one, and Augusts' is no exception. :) Today I'll share how August came into the world - and you'll promise not to laugh.

May 17th - as I blogged about a few days ago, was my due date. I went to see my OB that morning to get checked where he informed me I was still at 3cms but pretty paper thin effaced. He told me that I could go anytime, but, set up an appointment for the following Friday to see how I was doing. I was bummed. Ok, more then bummed. And as I shared earlier, that day just went down hill even more after getting the wrong drink order at Caribou. I'm still mad about that!

Brad drove me home and dropped me off so he could head into work. A friend had taken Ava for the day to play and eat lunch so I had the house to myself. I tried to take a long nap but couldn't seem to get comfortable. So I turned on some Martha Stewart and just relaxed. Brad hadn't been gone for more then 30 minutes when I started having "cramps". {or so I thought} I sent him a text saying, "weird crampy feeling every 15 minutes...keep your phone on." So the afternoon went on. I continued having these "cramps" and continued to get more uncomfortable - so, I did what every 40 week pregnant woman would do, I started some laundry. Going up and down the stairs was getting harder and harder - I credited all of this pain to being checked that morning, and thought nothing further of it.

Around 2 pm my friend dropped Ava back off at home. I told her I was having pretty bad crampy pains and we chatted a bit, then I laid Ava down for her nap. I dozed on the couch for like a half an hour but the pain wouldn't let me sleep. Weird. Still NO CLUE this was labor. Am I an air head or what?! But in my defense... Ava was induced and an epidural was immediately given post pitocin - so I had NO clue what true labor felt like. My last time doing this I laughed and joked through my contractions most of the day.

At 5:30 a lady from church brought us a meal. {My church is full of wonderful people!} As she was setting things up and chatting with us I kept having to stop and lean on something... a chair, the table, my hip. I started to wonder when this would let up - I mean, it had every other time! We ate our amazing meal of kebabs, fresh bread, potatoes, almond bars - the works! By the end of dinner I was in horrible pain. We decided to call the nurse and ask what they thought. After she took down my info and asked a ton of questions she calmly said, "Mrs. Pausley, you need to come in." Was she speaking so calmly because she thought I was nuts?! We called Brad's aunt who came over to take care of Ava. We didn't really have a set plan for how this would play out - and this is where the story gets crazy. After we called Aunt Sue my contractions went crazy... like, every 2 minutes or less. So we finished packing some stuff, threw it in the van and Sue came. I didn't get to have the "Mommy is going to have a baby" chat with my little 2 year old who was clearly confused and scared at why I was in pain and acting strange. As we tried to leave the house she just burst out in tears (so did I) so I stooped down to hug her and kiss her goodbye. That was so very hard. I couldn't explain, there was no time. My heart just ached as I watched the alligator tears flow down her cheeks - as aunt Sue distracted her. I felt so guilty and helpless... even now remembering makes me get all emotional {sniff}. Brad insisted that I get in the van and away we went. Then I remembered what I was wearing - brown sweatpants and a missions trip t-shirt. Granted, I wasn't going to a dance, but... had dreams of looking at least a little more presentable. All the nonsense wore off as the contractions tore through - on our way to the hospital.

Once there we parked in the WRONG lot. I couldn't take more then 4 or 5 steps at a time and felt like walking to the hospital door was like crossing a football field length wise. :/ Once inside Brad grabbed a wheelchair and we found the closest elevator and made our way to L & D. The front desk seemed to take For-Ev-Errrr and was asking questions I had already answered in my pre-registration packet. My contractions were beastly and Brad ended up doing most of the answering. They wheeled me into triage, also know as the DEVILS WAITING ROOM to me, where they told me I had to be monitored for 20 minutes to see if was "really in labor". For real?! The nurse hooked me and baby up and said a comment along the lines of, "wow, your contractions are so close and strong they look like buildings". Cute. Not really. After a gruelling 20 minutes I told the nurse I needed meds and fast, and, could possible need to push. She told me she didn't think there would be time for meds but would check after we were admitted... WHAT? WHY AREN'T WE ADMITTED YET!?

They got me back into the wheelchair and began my journey to my room. I heard a sweet voice say, "Hi Amanda, I'm Dr so-n-so... oh, she's having a contraction." Clearly I wasnt in a chatty mood at this point. The pain was so intense. So...very...intense. The nurse replies to this well intended doc - "yea, this one is gonna go quick". Well then - encouraging.

I get to my room and they attempt to draw blood and hook up my IV. Apparently I still have no veins. They couldn't find ONE. After a try in my arm and side of my left wrist I remember saying, "I seriously need something for pain now" and the nurse telling me, "there's no time, I'm sorry." They couldn't get an IV in to get my fluids in... so, no pain relief. They tried one last attempt at Fentanyl and got half a dose in when I felt this massive urge to push - uncontrollable and something I did NOT experience with Ava's birth. So as she's injecting this stuff... out comes Augusts head and she immediately had to stop the med. Then that funny thing they always say - "Don't push yet" which, clearly that is beyond my control at this point. I almost laughed. No, I didn't. My husband tells me that through this whole experience I was "more passionate" then with Ava's delivery. Ha! Well said dear. I do remember the nurse telling me to "quit yelling" and "yelling isn't going to help anyone". Weird, seemed to help me. :)

A few pushes later and my beautiful baby girl entered the world. She was MASSIVE. I just stared at her as they whisked her over to the NICU table {another meconium baby} for a quick nose clearing. And amazingly, my pain was gone in an instant. Just. Like. That. They brought in the scale and we read the numbers, "9lbs, 1oz" and were told "21 inches long". She came out with dark black hair just like Ava and had an indentical face to my precious big girl at home. I wanted to cry - but, couldn't. Adrenaline my guess. After getting her checked out they handed her to me and I kissed those chubby cheeks I had longed to touch for the last 40 weeks. She was perfect. Her rosy skin and alert eyes memorizing the fuzzy shape of my face. She stuck her tongue out over and over and we giggled at the moment. I still can't believe how fast she came.

And now she's here with us. And life changes a little bit - and we are tired and learning our new roles of parents of two girls. Days are challenging and tiring and sweet. I've changed a zillion diapers and nursed a billion times - or maybe it just feels like that. And overall we praise God for working out this perfect birthday story. Today August is 2 weeks old. I cried this morning as I looked over her face again while nursing. She's already changing and growing. I can't do anything to slow time down and savor my precious babies longer. I love this exhausting season of life.

Fun Family pics

Happy due date to me! Only, instead of feeling happy I'm actually half in tears... {just bein' honest} as the dr didn't have anything helpful to say to me today. Still at 3cm, though he says "really, you could go anytime. But, come back Friday and we'll chat more." Ugh. Then, on the way home we stopped at Caribou to get a mocha because I've been craving one - and instead they gave me a normal coffee, which, I didn't figure out until we got all the way home because I let it cool in the cup holder the whole ride. BAH! Nothing like expecting to taste chocolately espresso goodness and then only getting weak coffee. To say I'm cranky is an understatement, obviously. A friend asked to take Ava for the morning - so, as soon as I share some pics I'm off to the couch to sleep off the grumpy's and enjoy some more contractions.

This weekend we went to a friends wedding and they had a fun photo booth idea that everyone got to go through. I love the pics of my little one - she LOVES the camera! Enjoy!

Still waiting...

Tomorrow is D-Day, as in, DUE date with May baby. It doesn't seem possible that a whopping 40 weeks have gone by. I'm constantly re-evaluating... what have I done in the last 40 weeks? Does my life have anything {besides this big belly, which, I know is enough} to prove that 40 weeks have come and gone?!

It would be straight up lying to tell you that I'm patiently waiting on this little girl to make her appearance. So I won't lie. Instead, I'll confess that I have been jittery, anxious, whiny, and super needy. I was telling a girlfriend last night at church, "I literally have to stop and mentally focus every minute or my anxiety gets the better of me, and my thoughts run away." Especially after having 2 full days of pretty strong contractions only to wake up today {or, did I sleep?} to nothing, nada. Oh how I seriously long to meet this child, to know I'll have help and just to turn a page in our history of life.

But in other news...
This weekend we celebrated the marriage of some friends. It was a beautiful wedding and the bonus was getting to see some much missed friends from PA! We just got back from breakfast with them this morning... and my heart is hungry for more conversation, already. {sigh} The distance between IA and PA seems especially long today.

I'm working on another "God's provision" post as you just would not believe how God has provided for us AGAIN and very specifically. So cool to sit back and see how big our God is.

It's Monday, time to put the laundry in - cut up an apple for Miss Ava's snack, brew another pot of coffee and sneak in some time in the word. I need it. Daily. Tomorrow is my due date, and my next OB appointment... you know how to pray!

Large Lady in Waiting

I've never felt so beastly large. I'm all about thinking pregnant women are beautiful, blah blah blah... they really are. But, I, right now just feel like a jumbo whale of a women who just really really wants to have my baby whale, er, baby...

I know life just gets complicated and busy and crazy when the baby is on the outside. But, still - the trade off sounds so very sweet to me at this point.

Because I went in for an appointment Tuesday to check out my elephant feet swelling issue - they cancelled my appointment for tomorrow, which, to be delicate - was to get things "going". BUMMED doesn't cover how I feel about that - even though the method would be a 50/50 chance. So, blah.

My next appointment was set for my DUE DATE, again. And I sit here wondering... "really? will I really have to induced again? What is it with my children not wanting to come out of me?" My father is very wise to remind me that women all over the world would love to have this problem. {humbling} I know that. I'm trying not to be all whiny and complainy. I really do love this time in life. I do.

My husband and I are praying, praying, praying that I could have this baby this or next week. We have a couple pretty solid reasons for the asking:

-My mother in law is here next week
-My mom is here the week after
-If I'm to wait a week later as I was with Ava, that puts me in the hospital until the 26th - and all my help leaves the 28th. SEE my predicament?

Ultimately, I know God knows all this. He knows my fears and anxieties about this. He knows when this baby will join us and how it will all go down. Yet, He does still delight when we ask, right? I'm asking. Will you start asking too?

The reason I'm a mother

Ah, I love this girl. She's so goofy and fun and silly and smart. This morning she is tearing around the house in her pink tu-tu and tights pretending to be a ballerina. All this just for fun! What a life to be 2 years old and be able to run around like that! I'm so thankful that SHE is the one who calls me Mommy. I think about it over and over again. God chose her for us, and us for her! Incredible!

So today while I'm milling around here cleaning and living life - I may sneak in a few more peeks at her while she's playing quietly. I may grab my camera and try to capture just a few more pics of her twirling in her tutu in the livingroom. I may steal one or two more extra kisses on her still chubby cheeks. Just because I can. I'm her momma.

And life is going to be very different here very soon as we anticipate Baby Sister. Hubs took this picture lastnight after youth group - and, though I am feeling very unattractive, I still do LOVE pregnancy belly and feeling this new life squirm and wiggle. I love these girls - and am so thankful for them - the REASON I am a mother. :)

Btw, after my 38 week appt yesterday - I was told I'm 2-3cms and 75% effaced. Yay!

38 weeks

Today marks week #38 on the baby calendar. How am I feeling?

Well...

I feel large.

I feel eager.

I feel like I'm not getting anything done.

I feel excited.

I'm craving sugary things ALL the time.

I'm sore. {hips and back}

I'm not sleeping very well.

But, I'm thankful.

Tomorrow is my OB appointment and I'm wondering if we'll hear any news on further dialation. I'd love to know things were progressing! Wish us luck!

The view from where I'm standing. Only, I had to lean forward to actually see the socks. :)

**Nesting**

I so clearly remember scrubbing our apartment when I was almost due with Ava. Everything just could not be straight enough, dusted enough, swept and mopped enough. And don't even get my started on laundry - I was a maniac. I think I washed some of her outfits twice, maybe 3 times before she was even born. And, the end of this pregnancy is proving to be the same. I have been nuts about organizing, purging through stuff and just getting things ready in general. I have mopped my kitchen floor, sorted boxes in the basement {although, WHY?, I'm not sure}, washed baby clothes, scrubbed the bathroom, dusted, etc. Things are a little different this time around though. For some reason - ahem - things aren't staying clean and in their places. The dining room looks like someone is living there, AND, our last ladies church event is still waiting to be held as I still have ALL the decorations in boxes on the floor. Our bedroom may or may not have had a clothes bomb go off. The cute sunroom off the upstairs is slowly looking like a large windowed closet :/ (my least fave thing right now) and somehow every time I get toys put away - they end up back strewn across the floor. Not sure who is doing that! :)

But, with all that said. Nesting is in FULL swing here in this house. In the last 3 days I have been doing all I physically can - and I'm starting to see results. The nursery is practically ready for a new addition minus some curtains and raising the crib back up to the right height. I sorted through every diaper box of baby clothes of Ava's and transferred them ALL to plastic totes by size. Yes, obsessive. I now have perfectly organized baby girl clothes in multicolored bins and just waiting to be pulled out season by season. {sigh} Also, big sis' clothes that she is rapidly outgrowing are now being stockpiled in little sis' extra closet, too! No reason to wait and do that again in a few months!

Little Sis' closet has been stocked with all the amazing diaper deals I found over the winter in prep for her arrival. And I even was able to get some things up on hangers, organized in her "plastic dresser", etc. I just have one little Luvs box to sort through of baby toys, etc.

I have the changing table ready - minus a basket for blankets (and more dusting). Today I set up the bedside sleeper, which, a certain 2 year old thinks is for her personal climbing entertainment. I pulled out the ol' pump and got it ready, stocked the bottle cabinet so daddy can be a little more involved this time. Got the receiving blankets ready, folded baby towels, threw old stained things away and just went to town!


My ankles are MASSIVE and I can't seem to drink enough water, but otherwise I feel fine. 38 weeks this week! I'm secretly hoping for maybe a little earlier then May 17th baby - but, we'll take whatever. I mean, we ARE ready now! And for those of you that have been wondering... yes, Ava is doing great in her big girl room. I got everything done minus the dark pink stripes - which we'll do this summer. She loves being in there! The transition has been beautiful. I finished making her memo board {it's not perfect, but, special} and its the only thing up on the wall. I was given this beautiful dresser that I spray painted white - and, that's as far as we got before the move. More pics to come - but, here's a teaser!