Monday, May 30, 2011

The Story of August Hope

Every "birth"day story is a special one, and Augusts' is no exception. :) Today I'll share how August came into the world - and you'll promise not to laugh.

May 17th - as I blogged about a few days ago, was my due date. I went to see my OB that morning to get checked where he informed me I was still at 3cms but pretty paper thin effaced. He told me that I could go anytime, but, set up an appointment for the following Friday to see how I was doing. I was bummed. Ok, more then bummed. And as I shared earlier, that day just went down hill even more after getting the wrong drink order at Caribou. I'm still mad about that!

Brad drove me home and dropped me off so he could head into work. A friend had taken Ava for the day to play and eat lunch so I had the house to myself. I tried to take a long nap but couldn't seem to get comfortable. So I turned on some Martha Stewart and just relaxed. Brad hadn't been gone for more then 30 minutes when I started having "cramps". {or so I thought} I sent him a text saying, "weird crampy feeling every 15 minutes...keep your phone on." So the afternoon went on. I continued having these "cramps" and continued to get more uncomfortable - so, I did what every 40 week pregnant woman would do, I started some laundry. Going up and down the stairs was getting harder and harder - I credited all of this pain to being checked that morning, and thought nothing further of it.

Around 2 pm my friend dropped Ava back off at home. I told her I was having pretty bad crampy pains and we chatted a bit, then I laid Ava down for her nap. I dozed on the couch for like a half an hour but the pain wouldn't let me sleep. Weird. Still NO CLUE this was labor. Am I an air head or what?! But in my defense... Ava was induced and an epidural was immediately given post pitocin - so I had NO clue what true labor felt like. My last time doing this I laughed and joked through my contractions most of the day.

At 5:30 a lady from church brought us a meal. {My church is full of wonderful people!} As she was setting things up and chatting with us I kept having to stop and lean on something... a chair, the table, my hip. I started to wonder when this would let up - I mean, it had every other time! We ate our amazing meal of kebabs, fresh bread, potatoes, almond bars - the works! By the end of dinner I was in horrible pain. We decided to call the nurse and ask what they thought. After she took down my info and asked a ton of questions she calmly said, "Mrs. Pausley, you need to come in." Was she speaking so calmly because she thought I was nuts?! We called Brad's aunt who came over to take care of Ava. We didn't really have a set plan for how this would play out - and this is where the story gets crazy. After we called Aunt Sue my contractions went crazy... like, every 2 minutes or less. So we finished packing some stuff, threw it in the van and Sue came. I didn't get to have the "Mommy is going to have a baby" chat with my little 2 year old who was clearly confused and scared at why I was in pain and acting strange. As we tried to leave the house she just burst out in tears (so did I) so I stooped down to hug her and kiss her goodbye. That was so very hard. I couldn't explain, there was no time. My heart just ached as I watched the alligator tears flow down her cheeks - as aunt Sue distracted her. I felt so guilty and helpless... even now remembering makes me get all emotional {sniff}. Brad insisted that I get in the van and away we went. Then I remembered what I was wearing - brown sweatpants and a missions trip t-shirt. Granted, I wasn't going to a dance, but... had dreams of looking at least a little more presentable. All the nonsense wore off as the contractions tore through - on our way to the hospital.

Once there we parked in the WRONG lot. I couldn't take more then 4 or 5 steps at a time and felt like walking to the hospital door was like crossing a football field length wise. :/ Once inside Brad grabbed a wheelchair and we found the closest elevator and made our way to L & D. The front desk seemed to take For-Ev-Errrr and was asking questions I had already answered in my pre-registration packet. My contractions were beastly and Brad ended up doing most of the answering. They wheeled me into triage, also know as the DEVILS WAITING ROOM to me, where they told me I had to be monitored for 20 minutes to see if was "really in labor". For real?! The nurse hooked me and baby up and said a comment along the lines of, "wow, your contractions are so close and strong they look like buildings". Cute. Not really. After a gruelling 20 minutes I told the nurse I needed meds and fast, and, could possible need to push. She told me she didn't think there would be time for meds but would check after we were admitted... WHAT? WHY AREN'T WE ADMITTED YET!?

They got me back into the wheelchair and began my journey to my room. I heard a sweet voice say, "Hi Amanda, I'm Dr so-n-so... oh, she's having a contraction." Clearly I wasnt in a chatty mood at this point. The pain was so intense. So...very...intense. The nurse replies to this well intended doc - "yea, this one is gonna go quick". Well then - encouraging.

I get to my room and they attempt to draw blood and hook up my IV. Apparently I still have no veins. They couldn't find ONE. After a try in my arm and side of my left wrist I remember saying, "I seriously need something for pain now" and the nurse telling me, "there's no time, I'm sorry." They couldn't get an IV in to get my fluids in... so, no pain relief. They tried one last attempt at Fentanyl and got half a dose in when I felt this massive urge to push - uncontrollable and something I did NOT experience with Ava's birth. So as she's injecting this stuff... out comes Augusts head and she immediately had to stop the med. Then that funny thing they always say - "Don't push yet" which, clearly that is beyond my control at this point. I almost laughed. No, I didn't. My husband tells me that through this whole experience I was "more passionate" then with Ava's delivery. Ha! Well said dear. I do remember the nurse telling me to "quit yelling" and "yelling isn't going to help anyone". Weird, seemed to help me. :)

A few pushes later and my beautiful baby girl entered the world. She was MASSIVE. I just stared at her as they whisked her over to the NICU table {another meconium baby} for a quick nose clearing. And amazingly, my pain was gone in an instant. Just. Like. That. They brought in the scale and we read the numbers, "9lbs, 1oz" and were told "21 inches long". She came out with dark black hair just like Ava and had an indentical face to my precious big girl at home. I wanted to cry - but, couldn't. Adrenaline my guess. After getting her checked out they handed her to me and I kissed those chubby cheeks I had longed to touch for the last 40 weeks. She was perfect. Her rosy skin and alert eyes memorizing the fuzzy shape of my face. She stuck her tongue out over and over and we giggled at the moment. I still can't believe how fast she came.

And now she's here with us. And life changes a little bit - and we are tired and learning our new roles of parents of two girls. Days are challenging and tiring and sweet. I've changed a zillion diapers and nursed a billion times - or maybe it just feels like that. And overall we praise God for working out this perfect birthday story. Today August is 2 weeks old. I cried this morning as I looked over her face again while nursing. She's already changing and growing. I can't do anything to slow time down and savor my precious babies longer. I love this exhausting season of life.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

She's Here!!

This post will be terribly disappointing as I'm not posting any pics... using my hubbys lap top today to blog and just can't seem to figure out how to do the things I'd normally do. Oh well!

But I did want to let the world know my baby girl is HERE and healthy! August Hope Pausley was born May 17th (my due date) at 9:33pm! And yes I have lots of details to share and fun stories to unfold - but for now, just know we are all doing well and adjusting to our new life!

Thanks for your prayers, phone calls and cards!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Fun Family pics

Happy due date to me! Only, instead of feeling happy I'm actually half in tears... {just bein' honest} as the dr didn't have anything helpful to say to me today. Still at 3cm, though he says "really, you could go anytime. But, come back Friday and we'll chat more." Ugh. Then, on the way home we stopped at Caribou to get a mocha because I've been craving one - and instead they gave me a normal coffee, which, I didn't figure out until we got all the way home because I let it cool in the cup holder the whole ride. BAH! Nothing like expecting to taste chocolately espresso goodness and then only getting weak coffee. To say I'm cranky is an understatement, obviously. A friend asked to take Ava for the morning - so, as soon as I share some pics I'm off to the couch to sleep off the grumpy's and enjoy some more contractions.

This weekend we went to a friends wedding and they had a fun photo booth idea that everyone got to go through. I love the pics of my little one - she LOVES the camera! Enjoy!

Monday, May 16, 2011

Still waiting...

Tomorrow is D-Day, as in, DUE date with May baby. It doesn't seem possible that a whopping 40 weeks have gone by. I'm constantly re-evaluating... what have I done in the last 40 weeks? Does my life have anything {besides this big belly, which, I know is enough} to prove that 40 weeks have come and gone?!

It would be straight up lying to tell you that I'm patiently waiting on this little girl to make her appearance. So I won't lie. Instead, I'll confess that I have been jittery, anxious, whiny, and super needy. I was telling a girlfriend last night at church, "I literally have to stop and mentally focus every minute or my anxiety gets the better of me, and my thoughts run away." Especially after having 2 full days of pretty strong contractions only to wake up today {or, did I sleep?} to nothing, nada. Oh how I seriously long to meet this child, to know I'll have help and just to turn a page in our history of life.

But in other news...
This weekend we celebrated the marriage of some friends. It was a beautiful wedding and the bonus was getting to see some much missed friends from PA! We just got back from breakfast with them this morning... and my heart is hungry for more conversation, already. {sigh} The distance between IA and PA seems especially long today.

I'm working on another "God's provision" post as you just would not believe how God has provided for us AGAIN and very specifically. So cool to sit back and see how big our God is.

It's Monday, time to put the laundry in - cut up an apple for Miss Ava's snack, brew another pot of coffee and sneak in some time in the word. I need it. Daily. Tomorrow is my due date, and my next OB appointment... you know how to pray!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Large Lady in Waiting

I've never felt so beastly large. I'm all about thinking pregnant women are beautiful, blah blah blah... they really are. But, I, right now just feel like a jumbo whale of a women who just really really wants to have my baby whale, er, baby...

I know life just gets complicated and busy and crazy when the baby is on the outside. But, still - the trade off sounds so very sweet to me at this point.

Because I went in for an appointment Tuesday to check out my elephant feet swelling issue - they cancelled my appointment for tomorrow, which, to be delicate - was to get things "going". BUMMED doesn't cover how I feel about that - even though the method would be a 50/50 chance. So, blah.

My next appointment was set for my DUE DATE, again. And I sit here wondering... "really? will I really have to induced again? What is it with my children not wanting to come out of me?" My father is very wise to remind me that women all over the world would love to have this problem. {humbling} I know that. I'm trying not to be all whiny and complainy. I really do love this time in life. I do.

My husband and I are praying, praying, praying that I could have this baby this or next week. We have a couple pretty solid reasons for the asking:

-My mother in law is here next week
-My mom is here the week after
-If I'm to wait a week later as I was with Ava, that puts me in the hospital until the 26th - and all my help leaves the 28th. SEE my predicament?

Ultimately, I know God knows all this. He knows my fears and anxieties about this. He knows when this baby will join us and how it will all go down. Yet, He does still delight when we ask, right? I'm asking. Will you start asking too?

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

He cares about my pennies?

I'm so completely and totally humbled right now. And... it just keeps happening, day after day, after day. Humbled. If you've never heard the beautiful song, "He's always been Faithful" - can I recommend that you {after reading} go to YouTube and look it up, especially Sarah Groves version. I attempted to embed it here, but, for some reason Blogger and YouTube are at odds today and I don't have the time to keep attempting. :)

He's ALWAYS been Faithful! That's my God. Even when I'm so good-for-nothing scared and faithless to Him. And that continues to blow me away. Praise the Lord! This morning I was driving to yet another OB appointment due to some MAJOR swollen feet and ankles - I'm talking... "Helllooo Mrs. Elephant" when that song Starry Night came on by Chris August. For no apparent reason I just busted out in tears while driving. Please do picture a 9 month preggo lady holding her coffee in one hand, driving with the other and just sobbing - with the "cry face", and you know what I mean. I had the radio turned up loud and windows cracked and was just crying and singing as loud as I could with the song...

"I've given my life to the only one who makes the moon reflect the sun"

and then

"who gives me HOPE when I had none"...

Now I could blame the hormones or the exhaustion or some other pregnancy related thing, but, I know that the truth is - I was just humbled and experiencing a little personal revival. So, anyone who passed me on University today got to watch and enjoy that show themselves too. :) You see, lately I've been struggling. And I've hinted at it a time or two on here, and there is so much I can't even get into because of the nature of our lives. But I'm here today just to give testimony of God's goodness, compassion, patience and provision. He knows our {my} every need and has been faithful to provide!

- Needed clothes for new baby and 2 yr old. CHECK! A gal from church who has two girls passed her wardrobe for them down to us!

- Van payment due. Tax money we expected didn't end up happening. GOD provided and allowed us to be streeetched in the meantime.

- Mortgage went up. Still streeetching on that one. Still learning. Still hoping. God is faithful.

Somehow, which I still cannot explain, as I look over the budget, bills and bank account again and again... God has provided for every last heart-pressing, panic-inducing thing. We even got to go out for Mothers Day lunch! {was totally NOT planning on that} Though in my selfish heart I did cry and whine about the fact that "I really didn't want to cook on my day" - never mind that over half the world didn't get a mothers day lunch... or even a solid meal. {gulp}

So is this a miracle? Maybe. My faith is continuously being challenged and grown and tested. I have the hope that after all this trial - by - fire I'll come out refined. That's what HE promises! Though, I know my days in the furnace are still many to come... so much to burn off. But I do feel stronger. I do see God in action and I do praise Him.

He cares about those silly pennies -

He cares about us.

He even cares that the van check engine light went on this weekend...

And I can leave it at that. And rest.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Tulip Time

This weekend we traveled to Pella, Iowa for their annual Tulip Time celebration. Last year we didnt go as it promised to be "too cold", but this year was perfect! The sun was out all day and it was the first really WARM day in a while! Thank you Lord!

We had such a great time as a family checking out all of the thousands of tulips, the parade, yummy food and just a cute town in general. There were people dressed up like native "Dutch" people, dutch food stands, beautifully decorated parks, etc. My feet were completely swollen and I had little contractions ALL day, but, we made it! {And obviously NO labor the next day like everyone thought would happen}
Tulips are such pretty flowers. I had NO idea there were so many types! I grabbed some pics of some of my favorite. I loved these pink fluffy ones. They were so delicate and feminine. Love them! And I really like the HUGE orange ones, dark purple shiny ones... lol, obviously I learned all the proper names. :)
Ava did SO well the whole day! She was very VERY tempted to pick "just one two-wip" - but kept control of her self very nicely. :) {cannot get this pic to straighten, sorry}

What a special, beautiful day with our first born baby girl. I loved every minute... and was a little emotional thinking that very very soon this life of 3 will change. I hope we can always have these special memories!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The reason I'm a mother

Ah, I love this girl. She's so goofy and fun and silly and smart. This morning she is tearing around the house in her pink tu-tu and tights pretending to be a ballerina. All this just for fun! What a life to be 2 years old and be able to run around like that! I'm so thankful that SHE is the one who calls me Mommy. I think about it over and over again. God chose her for us, and us for her! Incredible!

So today while I'm milling around here cleaning and living life - I may sneak in a few more peeks at her while she's playing quietly. I may grab my camera and try to capture just a few more pics of her twirling in her tutu in the livingroom. I may steal one or two more extra kisses on her still chubby cheeks. Just because I can. I'm her momma.

And life is going to be very different here very soon as we anticipate Baby Sister. Hubs took this picture lastnight after youth group - and, though I am feeling very unattractive, I still do LOVE pregnancy belly and feeling this new life squirm and wiggle. I love these girls - and am so thankful for them - the REASON I am a mother. :)

Btw, after my 38 week appt yesterday - I was told I'm 2-3cms and 75% effaced. Yay!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

38 weeks

Today marks week #38 on the baby calendar. How am I feeling?


I feel large.

I feel eager.

I feel like I'm not getting anything done.

I feel excited.

I'm craving sugary things ALL the time.

I'm sore. {hips and back}

I'm not sleeping very well.

But, I'm thankful.

Tomorrow is my OB appointment and I'm wondering if we'll hear any news on further dialation. I'd love to know things were progressing! Wish us luck!

The view from where I'm standing. Only, I had to lean forward to actually see the socks. :)