Thursday, September 6, 2012
My corner of the world
This morning while the girls were sitting quietly for longer then 2 seconds...
I made my way out there. I held my coffee in one hand and just sat. Breathed. The air was cool and a few leaves have already fallen on the road - it made me tear up and I have no idea why. I think I'm crazy. No, the reality is that life has felt so difficult lately. So a few moments in a chair, on my porch, felt like healing.
Our bathroom is under construction, er... reconstruction, after finding water and a basically ruined sub floor under our vinyl. We've had an industrial dehumidifier and "mega" fan in there to get the moisture out of the floor so the business that will do our repairs can rip it all up and lay down new. We have been so thankful to work with this team of men who are excellent at what they do - and have been so kind and helpful to our family. This is our only bathroom - and, the unexpected need for repair has all but thrown me off. It's hot upstairs from the machines and pretty loud. It takes some getting used to.
My children, especially my biggest girl, seem to take every opportunity to choose wrong lately. I told my husband this morning - I feel like my entire day is spent disciplining, redirecting, warning & feeling upset. It's so difficult! I'm constantly fighting for joy. I never understood that phrase more clearly then I do lately. It IS a battle to choose joy in the midst of circumstances you'd rather not deal with. And in typical stress induced Mandi fashion... I have gained weight, again. We won't even go there in this post. Just, argh. Time and again I end the day feeling like a failure in every area. All the intentions have flown out the window and nothing I wanted to do was done. It's Sept. 6th and I don't even have any fall decorations up yet. And I know that's not the most important thing...but, just saying.
So, back to my porch chair.
I have met the Lord there on so many mornings. Poured out my heart on rainy days, and rejoiced on the glad, sunny, ones. I've journaled a hundred entries and underlined many bible verses... and some days just sat there praying in silence - or, out loud if my family wasn't around. It's my corner of the world where I feel like I can really put my feet up and pull myself together. Or should I say, let the Lord pull me together!? I'm eager to get back to it... consistently. Next week I begin a ladies bible study at church and I can't wait to curl up on my big ol' chair with my bible open ready to drink in the truth. I need it. I'm thirsty for it. Prepping in that chair and learning what the Lord has for me is something I look forward to - am eager for. My corner of the world. Such a blessing in my life. Now I just need some of those 70 degree days... once these 80's and 90's move on. :)
Do you have a spot? Where do you go to set the world aside and focus back in? I'd love to hear about it.