Being a fairly emotional female, I have been having a tough time keeping these stress emotions under control. I long to be a woman of faith - to rest and trust that the Lords perfect plan will sustain me. But sometimes, in my weak moments... I just cry. I feel like crying all the time lately. Life is hard and being a grown up is just not as fun as I thought it would be, sometimes. I'm working on saturating myself in the truth of God's word and in the encouraging reminders from godly writers who can explain it so well. We must, I must, saturate ourselves in TRUTH. The enemy would love nothing more then for me to fret and fear my days away...doubting mighty God and His purpose in this. I won't sit by and let that happen. So, I'm fighting friends.
When my husband got home from work lastnight He had even more "upsetting" news about our move/sale/etc. Once again I felt the hot tears prick at my eyes and honestly I just feel like a bug being squished beneath a big boot. Pressure. You know what I'm talking about? That feeling like you just won't ever be out from something? Yet, my problems are so minimal, really.
After dinner we loaded up our children and drove across the busy main street to an empty parking lot. My husband had been raving about a "new trail" he found, and despite the 96 degree temps and humidity... we went. We live in the city, really just 2 minutes from the downtown buisness area... so finding some good creation is tricky. This parking lot reminded me of a murder scene, honestly - big, empty, old semi truck trailers that had been abandoned for years. A few homeless men fishing on the river runoff area... I felt a bit out of place.
We crossed a little industrial bridge and started down the bike/walking trail. It was a hidden gem we had never found in our 4 years of living just a few blocks away. Blue sky, bright sun, and... trees! We walked for a bit and then entered "the forest", as our 4 year old exclaimed. The trail took us right into the lush, deep part of the woods along a river and I was disappointed to not have my camera with me. Creation was alive and around me. It was therapy to my hurting heart so I closed my eyes and just breathed it in. Without words I prayed and thanked the Lord for His presence with us - the beauty of His earth, the blessings of my children, the knowledge that we will be alright.
Today is a new day where I have to muster up the strength and courage to live by faith. So thankful my heavenly Father never runs out of supply in that regard. I can see Him working in my life and allowing me this chance to live with Him. Life is hard, no doubt, but it's also so sweet and such a gift.