Saturday, September 12, 2015

F-A-I-L. There, I said it.

It has been a week.
Quite a week.
And truth be told, the week before that was quite a week, too. 
And, unfortunately, I don't mean that in a happy way.

But today is Saturday and the week is over and tomorrow a NEW one begins! I'm praising the Lord for that and for the very real truth in scripture that each day has a brand new set of mercies. That has been my reality! Leaning on Jesus and at times feeling like I was clinging - and today I hope this post can be an encouragement to you. I can't pretend to know who all reads this little blog. I'm blessed by the feedback I get from time to time {although, that's not why I write}. I'm in this life with my readers and some of us feel like we are in the trenches. I'm there. I honestly believe that just by reading and knowing that someone else is in the same stage is a help. And in this virtual, internet age, maybe this can be the hand reaching out to encourage you.

Two weeks ago I found little black pellet-like things in my silverware drawer.
Then they were found on the dining room floor, another drawer in my kitchen, under my kitchen sink and even some on the baby's high chair. I shook off the idea that we might of had a mouse - I was in denial. But FOUR dead in the mousetraps later... there was no denying. This was the beginning of maybe some of the worst couple of weeks I've had in a while. The mouse problem {we believe} has been dealt with and if I never have to see one of these again - I will rejoice! And our sure fire recipe to catch intruders: peanut butter with a potato chip on top. Worked EVERY time. Gross.
These mice got into my head in a big way. And while there were other factors going on - I found myself afraid to move in my own home. I couldn't use my early morning bible study chair (because I found mice droppings behind it) so I gave up my early morning bible reading. I was afraid to open my kitchen drawers, let alone go into my kitchen. Obviously, as a mom that's a problem. I felt so overwhelmed by this mouse issue. I thought about it at night when trying to fall asleep, I kept thinking I'd hear a trap snap when Brad was gone. I was fearful of my basement and finding a mouse nest. It was driving me batty!! Apparently, even my daughter was feeling my angst as she wrote about it at school. Winning! And the story to this picture is that as I was preparing breakfast for the girls a tiny black mouse ran across my feet at the EXACT time I was opening the microwave. It scared me so much that I ripped the microwave door handle off - thus leaving mom in tears and 3 girls staring at said mom confused at the whole ordeal.
"When a mouse was in my moms kitchen she pulled the microwave handle off."
While I was dealing with the mice and the fear my housework started piling up and we stopped doing preschool. As I mentioned I was afraid and grossed out and convinced I'd get a disease or something if I touched anything. At the same time we discovered that someone in our home had shared pinworm with the family. And I'm not even going into that whole story because it has officially grossed me out to no end and it's humiliating. If you aren't familiar - pinworm live in your intestines. DO NOT GOOGLE IT. Long story short: we've all taken our "worm" medication and everyone is fine now. SERIOUSLY. With a first grader in school touching everything, a 4 year old constantly digging in the dirt and a baby crawling over the floors... I don't know who's to blame. All I do know is that at several moments this week I thought I was losing my mind. All I could think about was mouse poop and pinworms and my nerves were on edge. Apparently it's a BIG deal right now in our area, too, as every pharmacy was sold out of meds. Who even knew?!  Throw in some major financial things going on in our lives and you've got an uptight, stressed out, maxed out, emotional, cooped up momma. {Raising hand, it's me!} All this right on the verge of my favorite season, starting up a few new ministry opportunities in my home and preparing to help lead a ladies bible study.

WHY WHY WHY?! At why is it always all at once?!

My stress level has been up and finally after two weeks my body was starting to let me know that something had to give. The migraine settled in on Thursday morning and is just now going away this afternoon. I get migraine aura's which greatly impare your vision - I see moving triangles and need as much sleep as possible. Our bodies weren't made to live in fear and stress. I confessed to my husband through tears that my body was shutting itself off. (that sounds dramatic but I think you know what I mean) I knew the signs. We spent some time the last few days holding hands and praying.  I am so thankful for a husband who cares so much about me to take me before the throne of God - even at my lowest, most unlovely, Brad is faithful and committed to me. What a precious treasure he is. He also committed a large chunk of his day off yesterday in helping me clean up my two biggest mental hurdles: the kitchen and the basement. Last night I slept like a rock. Peace. Calm. Why do I forget to ask for help directly? Men need us women to be direct. Hinting never works.
There's a mini lesson in here!

So many times in the last two weeks I have cried out to God, called scripture to mind to meditate on and just sat still with nothing else left to do but be quiet. Looking back I can see how he cared for us and moreso how he is chipping away at my pride and lack of faith.

The decorating still hasn't happened. My buffet currently looks like a hot mess of life and seasons changing and school work - right there in my front room waiting for all to see.
Instead of cleaning and decorating and being home - we dropped the girls off at a sitter who so graciously offered - and went on a date morning! It was exactly what I needed! While I had hopped HGTV has stopped by to redo my house, they didn't. And that's ok. :) Cooler days are settling in, the mouse are gone, the unmentionable other thing is gone and money will never satisfy.
The Lord is good. It has been a couple of FAIL weeks for me in my responses and heart attitudes, but God never fails and He always, always, ALWAYS loves. Driving home this morning we passed by this corn field and I was washed over with the reminder of the beauty of our all sustaining, mighty, and loving savior.

Hang in there, friend. We'll have these fail weeks but the new mercies are fresh again tomorrow!

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