Back at the end of September Bradley and I had a photo shoot, with a new friend, Jo. She's an amazing photographer and I waited in great anticipation for our special day. She had taken time in advance to scout out places to shoot us in Scranton and we had such a blast following her through the busy streets to our destinations. I've had my picture taken a million times before, but this day was so special - she helped Brad and I create new memories and for that I am grateful.
I spent some time with Jo in June, while she shot Jon and Amy's wedding, I was working as her assistant and we got a few hours to get to know each other. She's a mother of three, very creative and very kind. I loved watching the gentle way she focused on each picture, turning her head to think and scrunching her forhead thinking about her ideas. Jo inspires me to follow my dreams. Although she has a life full of great responsibilites she still makes time for beautiful things - nature, quiet moments, kisses and fall leaves. When she gave me our finished pictures, she also gave me a small box full of decorated papers - it was a "thought box". She encouraged me that any time I heard a quote, had a thought, a whispered prayer or a frusration to write it down and keep it, "treasure it". I've already started my collection. Jo reminds me to look at the small things even more then I already do. Notice the wind touching the dust, see stars at night above a city sky, smell pine branches after the snow melts off...
During this shoot I felt like a princess or a super model. I felt like every ray of bronze sunlight and every rush of wind was there just to make me look and feel amazing. I had just found out I was expecting... and the day couldn't have been more perfect. I believe with all of my heart that God wanted me to feel like that for that day. God is good like that.
Lastnight during some quiet time I had read through Psalm 10. It's not an encouraging Psalm or one of those happy praise ones, either. It's a whining, questioning, angry Psalm asking God WHY the wicked continue to prosper. I like reading those every now and again...it reminds me that i'm not the only one who wonders... and it reminds me that God hears me and does answer me. The ultimate question in life is not "why or what?" but "who?". Who is this God? Who allows the Sun to shine, the moon to hide during the day, kittens to be born and seeds to sprout into new life? Who is this God who would send His only son to die for a world of horrible people who won't love him back? Who is God to me? Once we understand the "who", our complaints start to dwindle and our whining subsides, and our hearts begin to soften. In my own life I'm learning this daily. The Why isn't necessarily the end all, it's understanding and loving the Who.
Brad has been gone for 7 days now. He won't be home until 2 more. These long trips wear me out and put pressure on us both. I never considered myself to be a "needy" person, but when I'm without my partner I feel lost and alone and disconnected from life, really. I'm so anxious to see him and hug him and hear him speak again. It's the simple things that I enjoy most with him. His grins, excessive sighing when he wants attention, the way he takes up an entire couch with his 6 footed self. I love him. He's such a jewel in my life, and I treasure what we have.