If you want me to

If You Want Me To -- Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will go through the fire If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me And I'm all by myself

And I can't hear You answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through

And I will go through the darkness If You want me to

This is just one of those songs. I'm feeling a little melancholy this afternoon and I've been scrambling around looking for encouragement. I always find joy in the Truth of the promises of God.
When people ask me how I'm doing I've been known lately to say "There have been better times, and there will be worse", to which they give a chuckle and nod in agreeance. I'm doing very well. This morning in prayer time a coworker shared their heart. Their spouse is in pain constantly, debilitating at times, and their lives have changed. I watched as stress lines and tears welled their eyes as they shared what the family is going through - I admit my own heart stings tighten now every time I hear of anyone suffering. Could God have used my pain in order to comfort others and sympathize more with a hurting world? Yes. Some days it just all makes sense.
My husband is ill. He has been for a month now. Nausea, dizziness, etc. The kind of sickness that just hangs out but no one has an answer for. I watched as he had his blood taken for tests, as he winced briefly in pain and later as he slept on the couch with a crinkle in his forhead giving sign of the pain he was feeling inside. But...nothing helps. I felt my throat tighten up like I wanted to cry...is this what he must have felt as I was continuously poked and prodded and picked at just a few weeks ago? More so... is this how the Lord looks at us when we suffer and endure through agony? He HAS to, and even more then we do. God, please heal my husband and continue to work in me the something "beautiful" that you planned before the foundations of the earth.