Friday, June 6, 2008


So, I don't know if it's the hormones, the lack of sleep from getting up to pee in the middle of every night or if people are just extra annoying these days...
I am supposing that all of these jumble of emotions is normal - feeling madly in love with my husband one minute and then wanting to smack him and run away a second later. Maybe it's because he doesn't fully understand how I am physically feeling or maybe I don't voice often enough the fear I have inside that I'm working through little by little. Fear that I will lose this baby too... so, little situations keep happening with us. It doesn't help either that I just started reading a book "Confessions of a Honest wife" by Ravi Zaccharias' daughter. She explores what submission really means and what a happy marriage really looks like...and makes me question how I'm living and if I'm doing what I shoud be. I don't know if I recommend it yet, but, so far so good.
Anyway, back to my issue of dealing with annoying people. Another thing that came to mind today... all this pent up fear, frustration and anger could be caused by the fact that I'm not consistent in my relationship with the Lord. Yes, it's constant and not based on what I do... but, I haven't been casting my cares at his feet and I haven't felt like cracking up my nkjv for some daily insight because I feel like a user rather then a pursuer. And, again, I suppose every person goes through this. But, today i'm feeling extra sad - and I feel distant from my hubby. I feel like when he looks at me he sees a green monster with four heads and flaming red eyes... when all I really want and am trying to communicate to him is that I want to be loved, hugged and told that everything will be alright. I want the dishes to be done without me asking because I really don't have the energy after a 9 hour work day to even look at them. Such little petty things.

Right now I'm thinking of the line in "How to lose a guy in 10 days" - "I love you Benny, but I don't have to like you right now..."

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