The significance of...NOT ME

Here is a journal entry of mine from July 7th -something that came back to mind today so I thought rather then re-journal it again for myself I could share what I already thought, and maybe encourage someone else, too....

July 7, 2009 -
"Then, as He was now drawing near the descent of the Mt. of Olives, the whole multitude of disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works they had seen, saying: "Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!" And some Pharisees called to Him - "Teacher, rebuke your disciples!" But He answered them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out." Luke 19:37-40

What a wonder to me it is that God CHOOSES to use us...whiny, fickle humans for His glory. Sometimes I make myself too important - what a great reminder this morning that God doesn't need me or my praise (though He is constantly deserving!!!)...He is God, He is good. He is ruler over all creation. My God can use stones to worship should He speak the word. Wow. Today I want to live in praise for my risen King. Let the stones envy my ability to praise! Thank you God for life, for love, my family and your creation. Thank you for choosing me to follow you.

Cornell Street

Here I sit. It's 1:30 in the afternoon...the baby is asleep for the lovely mid-day nap and I should be scrubbing this house top to bottom. But, here I sit. The last few days my motivation level has been at -49 and my care about the level is even lower. Oh dear. I kind of see myself as an Eeyore. Not in the worrying, negative sense, but in the slow, slug-like movement sense. Here I sit and it's now 1:31.

Bradley loaded up two vans full of teens this morning and headed to IRBC for the week. So, Ava and I kissed him goodbye and then began our week of adventure together by...feeding her breakfast. Wooo hooo! :) She has been in such an amazing mood today and I've just so enjoyed being with her. She dances when there is no music, loves to do this loud whisper talk to her toys and just giggles at everything. It's hilarious watching her grow up and learn. I feel like, and this probably sounds weird seeing how she's all of 7 months old, but, I feel like we have gotten so much closer as she grows up. When she's playing sometimes she'll stop and look up at me like, "hey mom, glad to have you here" then goes back to chewing the life out of a board book or something. I adore the fact that she is a morning cuddler now...and only wants me when she's constipated. :) Another weird thing to read, I'm sure. I just love how she grips onto me for dear life at times and has that trust in me.


Anyway, I guess I should get to the housework...
The house is being shown today and it needs some TLC prior to that. Cornell Street....where the party is at today.

Technology and my level of frustration

Blogger friends...
If only you could have watched me this last HOUR trying to figure out how to get the new blog background...you would have had a great laugh. But, Alas! It's up....what do you think?! Thank you Amy and Kristi for being good example and having a great link to a cool website that has FREE backgrounds, banners, etc. check it out - its at the top left of my blog. :)

Anyone know how I change my Blog title box to a different color? The green just WON'T go away!

up with the dawn

The last few days I've been camping out on my parents couch...I'm not complaining - the new furniture is soft and made with that fuzzy material, so it's nice. They get up to head to work around 5ish and since my temporary bed is in the living room, I've been getting up around that time too. (Not good at sleeping when lights are on and people are moving around me) Usually I would just fall back to sleep after they walked out the door and the morning's calmness returned...but this morning I just woke up feeling motivated and couldn't fall back to sleep. I'm on "vacation" so I have no reason or task to feel motivated about, but, nonetheless couldn't get back to sleep. So, I poured a glass of heavy pulp OJ (personal fave) and enjoyed watching the sun make its slow climb to the skyline. The house is calm and quiet...baby still asleep, dog asleep... air conditioner taking a break from its humming. The stillness is wonderful.

Lastnight as I was falling asleep I kept thinking about my personal salvation testimony. Weird. I was thinking about the fact that we (I) seem to get so familiar and used to telling our testimony that we streamline it and probably leave out lots of the "little parts", parts that happened because they need telling about. The last few months I think I've shared my experience 15 times as we went through different experiences, job interviews, etc. And each time I shared I noticed that I was trimming and skimming details to make it quicker for the hearer... hmmm...not intentionally "Dissing" my story - but, making it listener friendly, cutting out the details that I thought maybe weren't important enough?! IMPORTANT ENOUGH? So yes, as I was drifting asleep I kind of challenged myself to maybe write out my salvation experience once and for all - every detail I can remember. It is that important. With those thoughts... I realized that, yes, though I was only 5 when my "transformation" started... (wasn't saved at that point) it was the beginning of my journey to faith. Lately I just quickly state, "I thought I was saved when I was 5 years old..." and then get on to the "good stuff". However, this morning it seems to me in my state of mind that those 5 year old memories are good and fresh and maybe just the most important memories as they sent me on my way to getting to know God. Though it took an additional 8 years for me to actually SEE and UNDERSTAND my need, wow, what an age of understanding. So, I'm hoping for some down time today where I can sit before this keyboard and just type out every memory I have about my experience with meeting with my God from the first time up to this morning.

My daughter just made her first morning babbles through the baby monitor. She is my reminder of God's goodness in my life... Lord, thank you for her! Thank you for her life!

thoughts on being "good"

Many, many times in my walk of faith I'm satisfied way too easily by simply "being good". This came as a revelation to me yesterday as I was reading through my daily Psalm and read David's words -

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I put my trust. O my soul, you have said to the Lord, "You are my Lord, my goodness is nothing apart from You." Ps. 16:1-2

I sat back after reading this and for some odd reason just felt terribly convicted about some of my heart/mind motives lately. Its not that I'm doing or acting in any BAD way, I'm just too content sometimes with staying on routine, doing what I should and nothing more. Then the vicious cycle begins of feeling satisfied with ME, what I'M doing and not GOD and His ultimate purpose for me. "My goodness is nothing apart from you"...David recognized that, and I want to be aware also. I think, no, I know that God brought this verse to my heart this week for many reasons...and I can't help but think that one of them is just to remind that even though I am now the wife of a pastor - goodness is not what saves people or does the BEST for them, its a genuine walk of faith... trust in God, clinging to Him always. Also, reminding me that my goodness, whatever that could mean, is nothing! It's too easy to get hung up on doing "good" things, being involved physically but not mentally or with heart or being superficial and taking the easy way with things. I want more. If I am showing goodness, I want it to be because Christ is shining through my life...

I wonder if God gets a grin on His cheek when His children read scripture and "get it"?

Meanwhile, still hanging out here in Ohio. Bradley is beginning day 2 of Jr high camp @ IRBC (http://www.irbc.org/) and I do miss him terribly. However, I'm thrilled with where God has brought us and I'm so excited to hear about what this week holds for not only the teens, but for my eager to learn and grow hubby! What a blessing to be married to a man who WANTS growth and who constantly seeks after God. I'm usually put to shame at how earnestly he seeks...I have so far to grow.

Time here with Josh, Ashley and Kaci is sweet. It's always fun to spend time with family - even more fun now with two little munchkins babbling about (one walking) and making funny noises. I do so hope Ava and Kaci get to be close cousins... no matter the states separating them.

It has been so much fun watching them interact with each other... talk, laugh, giggle. Ava loves to stare at Kaci and just crack up. Kaci loves giving Ava head hugs and kisses. They are the two most precious little girls in my life!

Transitions

First, I need to give you a plug for my hubby's NEW blog (first one!) - look him up, he is Brad Pausley and it's called "The Daily Brew". :) Good stuff to read and think about.

The date is July 10 and we have now lived in Iowa for 15 days. We've already seen so many awesome things happen in our lives, our marriage, and the new ministry. God is good. He is always good and I'm starting to realize that transition is a good time to stop and notice that a little bit more. The temporary housing that we are living in is just perfect for us right now and I find blessing after blessing while living there. First, there is a new dishwasher...I've never had one and never experienced the convenience of loading it up at night and being DONE with kitchen clean up. wow. Also, the house already had a washer and dryer in the basement - which for us is HUGE because our washer died just days before the move. Ava has her first room with a door and its more then 4 ft away from our bed :) This little house is a blessing. A roof over our head and moreso a reminder that God meets our every need in His timing.

Brad started as youth pastor of Saylorville Baptist Church and we are really enjoying getting to know the teens and families involved. It's neat to sit back and watch Brad's passion explode as he considers new ways to lead and train these kids. What a mission and challenge! We were so thirsty for this...and yet, now that we are here we see just how much more we need to cling to God's word and strength. I have a million and one thoughts swirling around in my head tonight and I can't seem to capture them in time... for now, though, I will tell you that we are excited to be Iowans and excited about the transitions.