It's not cute at 4am

I'm home from vacation. We had a great time with family and came back refreshed and ready to go. But I do need to bring up one point here. VACATION usually implies "rest", "relaxation" and maybe even some extra sleep, right? Like, no alarm clocks going off because you are on vacation.

That said. My children did not get that memo. They got this one, instead:

"To whom it may concern:

While mommy and daddy are on vacation we need to wake up at 5:30 or earlier, refuse to go back to sleep, whine and throw tantrums at bed time at night and wake up randomly through the night every other hour or so." Signed - The baby/kid sleep refusal board.

Yeaaaaa.... sleep was def not a priority to either of my doll faces. {sigh} And I've tried not to be the whiny, martyr, mother - but, I'M SO TIRED. Physically, shoulder hunchingly, eyes squinting, tired. And the thing with life is... it goes on. Sleep or not. My children need care during the day, my husband needs a functioning home, our ministry needs tending, chores need done, bills need paid. Life.

This morning August woke up at 4am. Seriously. We let her babble for a long time... I couldn't tell you how long because I was in a half stage of conciousness. But it must have been long enough because the gentle babble turned into a translated, "GET ME OUT OF HERE NOW." Obviously the sun wasn't even up and we don't want our bigger girl to be woken up at this time of morning...so, I pulled her into bed with me. She dozed off shortly after on my arm - that was now falling asleep - and I couldn't move it. I was pinned. Right before she dozed she turned her face to me and smiles. All I could thing was, "Augs... it's not cute at 4am." But of course it is.

I'm open to suggestions. I don't think I know it all about raising these children. We've tried putting her down later, and earlier. We've increased food. We've eliminated a late nap then added it back in. I've tried to leave her unswaddled. But she prefers swaddled. We've done nothing. We've tried everything. I've cried out to God in the middle of my sleep-deprived-tear-stained-cry-fests. She used to roll onto her belly and fall back to sleep - now she acts like a flipped turtle who can't roll over. :/

Yesterday morning my husband said to me, "you are such a good mom." I was so challenged by that. HEART MOTIVES. I'm also so challenged {again} with the truth of GRACE. Thank you Lord for new mercies... and very strong coffee. I know this phase will pass and one day my babies will be grown and gone - and I do so want to enjoy this phase. But, maybe after a nap? Trying to remember and live today - "Give thanks IN ALL THINGS." Eucharisteo.