Catching up

Well, well, well...

July 9th, summer is underway, it's muggy-sticky-hot, my husband is on a missions trip with some of our teens this week, and I'm absolutely in standing still mode with packing up our home to move. Hmph.

I may have pinned some Autumn ideas on pinterest.
I may have been listening to Christmas music on Spotify.
I may have put my black sweat pants back on now that kids are napping.
I may lie in my bed and read the next Lynn Austin book in the series I'm in, rather then pack.

Ah yes, summer. While I do enjoy your pleasant views of green and blue - the splashing of pool water and the nice shade of "deeper paste" on my skin... I don't care for the heat or the sweat. Jus' saying. But there are some postives. In a few weeks we'll head to camp with our teens and stay in a cabin in the woods. LOVE that week every summer. Then there's the whole... not having to shovel snow, etc. :)

But I'm getting sidetracked.
Life is busy here. Ministry is busy, kids are growing and changing up here at home, boxes are everywhere, and we still have some time to go. We are doing a lot of pantry eating to keep from spending money - that has been interesting. I'm beyond thankful for my girls love of canned beans :) I tell you what, they could probably eat those every night and be happy.

The Lord continues to provide over and above what we even ask for in the area of "needs". We have been given shoes for our girls, clothes and coats, random bags of canned food, gift cards for birthdays, etc. I'm writing it all down in a notebook and I'm trying hard to pause at some point in each day with the girls to share with them how the Lord is working in our lives. Somedays they just don't care...but, I pray someday they will.

To be very honest - I'm struggling with the here and now. I feel like we are living in transition and it's difficult for me. The unknown with our move, the wait before the new house, really not having a "summer" because of packing/unpacking/basement living... it's just weird. Daily I find minutes in my day where I'm just emotional and feeling out of control - and it really takes a disciplined effort to stop and remind myself that God is in control, has a plan, and...it's a good one. Then all is well again. Oh how I long for the day when I'm no so fickle.

Overall, things in Pausleyland are fine. We are crazy busy and scattered, but fine. The Lord is good and righteous and pursues my heart and brings me back to truth every time I start to wander. I'm thankful for that.

The Lord is Good - A soul Salve story

"Who can stand before his indignation? Who can endure the heat of his anger? His wrath is poured out like fire, and the rocks are broken into pieces by Him. The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him." Nahum 1:6-7

These gals right here... they were soul salve lastnight. Straight from the Lord!

Yesterday was my 31st birthday and, I think, one of the fastest days of the entire year. :) After a very emotional, difficult and stressful week - my girls night out was exactly what I needed. We forget how important it is to laugh. At least, I do. What a freeing thing to sit back with friends and just let the laughter go.  We had a delicious dinner at one of my faves, PF Chengs, then onto some yummo coffee at Starbucks of course - then, the grand finale was watching fireworks while chatting and laughing late into the night. I loved hearing all the stories and catching up on everyone's life. These ladies are the real deal livin-for-the-Lord kinda friends. So special.

And it keeps coming to my heart - how rich I am. You won't believe me if you were to peek at our bank account. But we ARE. So so rich. What we don't have in finances we have in faith and love...and our hope in Christ. My cup overflows with newfound joy today and I'm so thankful for that. I needed to laugh and be reminded that "it's ok". I couldn't think of better people to ring in a new year of life with. I'm blessed and known.

17 days til' a possible closing on this house and chapter of life. I say "possible" but don't want to get into details. Join in praying with us? Join in rejoicing that NO MATTER WHAT the Lord is GOOD, a stronghold, and He knows us if we are found in Him. And really, what else is there? 

Me and Mrs. Graham

I've been sitting here trying to think of catchy or cute way to introduce this post. There isn't one. Bottom line truth is - raising kids is HARD and often EXHAUSTING and THANKLESS. Life is DIFFICULT sometimes and the road just seems to wind on and on somedays and you wonder when all the CRAZY will end and you make it to NORMAL. This is where I have been. On that winding road stuck between crazy and normal. The impact of boxing up our home, stress over finances, and life in general has been a bit much on me and now I'm seeing it in my kiddos. Add to that the awesome blessing of having a husband in full time ministry - which means he works those "weird" hours and needs to be gone to serve the Lord. For this I am thankful, but will admit it is difficult somedays. I woke up yesterday feeling the weight of the entire world on my shoulders... my journal reads like this:

"I woke up feeling like a failure...I missed the 5am prayer {again!}, Ava woke up early and I was grumpy with her and I was crying by 8am. August has been crying 3/4's of our morning so far. It's my birthday week and I feel just plain ol' defeated. I'm tired of all the mess. Tired of boxes. Tired of being so broke. Weary of whining kids and bored with monotony." 

Aren't I a ray of sunshine? :) I know we all have those days, but I keep having them. To be honest I have felt so very alone in my bad days and wondering if maybe I was the only woman who really battled with life like I have been. Maybe that sounds silly...but I was wondering.

Wednesday night I made a pit stop at our church library to look for some fresh reading. Something challenging. I had been wanting to read the book, "It's my turn" by Ruth Graham {Billy's wife} and it was on my Amazon wish list - but, apparently it's super old and expensive. :) Who knew!? There on the church shelf was a copy. The rest of Weds night did not go well - I even had to leave the youth bible study time with my children screaming through the parking lot only 30 mins into the night. Blah. But I did get to start reading it yesterday, and oh my is it refreshing. Not only did that woman love the Lord with her entire life...she loved her ministry husband, children, and anyone else brought into her path. But ultimately what has been the biggest highlight of this book so far was her journal entry titled "Help". She was in the thick of raising 5 children while her husband toured the country evangelizing, often leaving her alone. These were here thoughts:

"Dear Journal,

Reading again from Exodus 33:12-16. This job of training five little Grahams to be good soliders of Jesus Christ is too big for me, who am not a good soldier myself. Feeling particularly distracted (or I should say overwhelmed and confused) this morning, I have been looking to the Lord asking, "Where, from here?".

Bill will be leaving soon for the San Franciso meeting. And I almost have a sinking feeling. Not altogether a left-behind and left-out sort of feeling, but swamped, knowing that all the things I have depended on others to do, I shall have to do myself.  

And things have not been going smoothly. There is a terrible amount of fighting among the children, ugliness and back talk from GiGi, and peevishness on my part backed by sporadic, uncertain discipline. I am not walking the Lord's way at all. I am doing what I feel like doing rather then what I ought to do. Three verses hit me hard: "She who is self indulgent is dead even while she lives" (1 Tim. 5:6), and "The fruit of the spirit is...self control." (Gal. 5:22-23). 

Self-indulgence is doing what we want rather then what we ought. I had always thought of self-control applying to temper or to drink. But what about the almonds in the pantry, the ice cream and chocolate sauce, the candy which I know will add unnecessary pounds and make my face break out? What about controlling my tongue? My tone of voice? Standing up straight? Writing letters? All these and many more need controlling. 

And I don't look well to the ways of my household. Children well taught even to brushing teeth and keeping rooms straight. Regular family prayers at the supper table. Children's clothes, kept mended and neat and organized. Getting ready for Sunday on Saturday. Well, there's no use going into it all. It just boils down to the fact that I am not being a good mother.

So I took it to HIM this morning, I want above everything to be the kind of person He wants. If He had His undisputed way in my I would be. Eveything would solve itself. The place to begin in here, the time to begin is now. And as I reread Exodus 22:12-16, the phrase that jumped out to me, which I had never noticed before, was : "Show me now THY way."

Wow. This could easily be a page from my own journal... time and again as I battle my flesh to win and love my family and serve the Lord. As I read this entry I just cried and cried and smiled and laughed. She got it and I'm starting to get it. It's in those moments where the growth happens and the Lord's grace abounds and the Holy Spirit guides. Ah, Mrs. Graham... I think we could have been great friends. What a timely blessing her wise and honest words are to this tired momma's heart.

June Happenings.

What? June is over this weekend? Yep. All 30 days of it come to an end on Sunday. True story.

Despite packing and paperwork and general life - we've managed to sneak in some fun, too. :) 

Here's a photo recap of June:

Beach Day @ Raccoon River Beach

More attemps at packing... if Lil' sister will have it. 

Church backyard BBQ 

Fishin' on fathers day

June showers... all.the.time.

And finally...

Lots and lots of time spent at all the great parks in IA! 

Here's to an equally wonderful July & August! 

Happy Homemaker Monday

It has been raining here all night and throughout the day today. Thunderstorms woke me up several times last night, and the muggy outdoors today made us stay in the AC for most of the morning. Summer is here! :) I'm hoping this dark afternoon and the lull of the raindrops will keep my girls napping long - I have a lot of packing to do. Honestly, it's not that bad...but, it's packing. Plenty of time for a quick HHM!

The weather:

Rain. Thunderstorms. More rain. Winds.

Right now I am:
Taking a packing break and feeling exhausted. 

Thinking:
A large part of me is feeling excited about the move, newness of all of that. Another part of me is thinking through...how are we going to do this transition thing for 5 or 6 weeks before we get into our new place?! 

On my reading pile:
Taking a break from reading, but I do grab a few minutes in "Glimpses of Grace" every now and again. 

On my TV:
No TV. 

What I found while surfing the net:
Completely disgusted by CBS news write up about the "76 year old Grandma who writes porn". I thought NEWS was supposed to be about world events we needed to be aware of. I'm not sharing a link because it's not even worth your time. But know this - there is no such thing as "upstanding news reporting". {stepping down off of soap box now}

On the menu for this week
Monday - Salsa Chicken and brown rice
Tuesday - Flank steak & salad
Wednesday - Orzo stuffed peppers
Thursday - Peaches & cream french toast
Friday - Fruit glazed pork chops and dilly carrots
Saturday - Church wedding - the meals on them! :) 
Sunday - MY BIRTHDAY! So, who knows. 

On my to do list:
Oh, packing. Finish up laundry. Put clothes away. 

 In the craft basket:
Ha. no time.

Looking forward to this week:
Playgroup tomorrow
Coffee @ a friends house on Weds.
Empty house on Thursday to pack, while a friend watches the girls!
Birthday dinner with hubs on Friday
Saturday wedding
Sunday night girls night for my b-day. 

Looking around the house:
Yikes. Cardboard chaos.

From the camera:
At the pool party lastnight - my big girl and her now destroyed Tutu bathing suit.

On my prayer list:

Newly prego friends :) 

Packing and getting eveything ready for closing - house repairs from inspection results.

$ for closing. {ugh}

Bible verse, Devotional:

Nothing to share today.

Cardboard boxes & Chaos

Oh I knew these days were coming. We've known a little too long, I think. Maybe that's where the procrastination set in... on one of those days where I sighed and went along in my day thinking, "oh, we still have a month to pack". I still have plenty of time but if I didn't feel like the walls were coming down around me THEN - I'm starting to NOW. 

The decorations on the first floor have all been taken off of the walls. It's bare and weird in here. Or, as my dear husband likes to note, "it looks cleaner". Nice. I've boxed up the books and a lot of the toys that were not being played with. Linens have been packed up with extra blankets and towels. Day by day this ol' house is looking more and more unfamiliar. I'm not as sad as I thought I'd be - but, I know tears will still come on the actual moving day. I'm just sentimental like that. 

My girls think this time is like a 2nd Christmas day - as they try to unpack the boxes I've so carefully organized and layed out. They particularly enjoying finding old toys made new again by being lost for so long. This is the chaos. I need them to be busy so I can pack, but their choice activity is doing the opposite of what I'm trying to accomplish. Ah, such is life. The Journey. 

This week for the FIRST TIME EVER my girls have started actually playing together in pretend. "C'mon sissy, let's go play house" has been said several times. My heart smiles when I hear that. I love how excited they get to pretend and it takes me back to days when I did the same exact thing. Have I mentioned lately how much I adore these girls?! Little sister is starting to hold her own ground and have opinions and big sister is taking the hint - it's hilarious. Two little personalities. 

Well, that's it for today. The mound of emtpy cardboard boxes is calling my name... Happy Friday, friends. 

These Beauties.

I have these amazingly gorgeous children. 

Sometimes when they aren't looking, I get all teary eyed in thanksgiving for them.

I'm so proud of them both. Even on the hardest days {and nights}I'm so full of momma love for them.

They are my people, my team. 

It's kind of humorous to me that we have 3 females living in this home. 

My dear hubby... bless him. He was raised with older brothers and one baby sister.

There have been days when all 3 of us ladies have been weeping or crying over something and he hasn't a clue where to even start. Ah, just the beginning my love. :) He's amazingly sensitive all the same. 

Summer is here and we are spending a lot more time doing the silly things in life. Picnics in the park, splash parks everyday, swinging and sliding at new playgrounds, riding bikes on the sidewalk, dripping ice cream down white shirts {ah}. 

I'm eating up every minute watching them learn how to be sisters. 

These beauties are just another perfect gift to me from my God. 

Feeling so thankful for them today.

*pictures by the ever so talented Katie Swanson.