Friday, January 15, 2010


As I continue on in this "new" life here in IA I've been able to meet so many really cool people. I know that's a horribly lame description, but, it's true. I've met teachers, mothers, doctors, tax guys, nurses and nobodys. I feel blessed to be here, serving God and the teens of SBC. But something that seems to be taking longer then I anticipated was the making of deep, personal friendships. And, I've always battled through that awkward "making friends" stage in every phase of my life. I used to blame the fact that I never had sisters so I had trouble relating to other girls. But, then I have friends who come from families just like mine who have handfuls of close friends. I dunno. I thought living in an all girls dorm would help this "issue" of mine... but, even then it was "interesting" to say the very least. Who knew girls could be so...catty?! Even having roomates after college I still found myself really struggling to make good close girlfriends. What IS my deal? But, I know I'm not alone in this. And I am striving to learn how. Sometimes its a hollow feeling inside. I'm hours from my "old friends". And yes, sure, we could call each other - but, I hate talking on the phone and who doesn't?! I miss the familiarity of what was... I miss the comfort of being able to chat with people who really knew me. I miss my family, especially my sis-in-laws, even though one lives in FL and I don't see her that often...

But, I can rejoice! God has us here for a very awesome reason - and friends will come. I know things aren't always in my timing, or ever really, and that's ok. The thought keeps coming to mind over and over, "in order to have friends you have to be a friend" - and, I'm trying. I'm looking and praying for God to show me people and bring people into my life. And, He will, and if not - I can learn to be content with that. I wonder how Jesus must have felt? While he wasn't an emotional female - I wonder what his times of loneliness felt like? The creator of all feeling alone. It doesn't seem right - but we know from scripture that he battled every human temptation and feeling just as we do now.

So, if you live here and see me and I'm over the top "trying"... you'll know why. I'm convinced that relationships are vital and I so desire them. I'm also a work in progress and still trying to figure myself out, awkwardness and all.


Katie@The Baby Factory said...

i worked @ irbc w/ your SIL her--she is just so sweet!
those deeper friendships are hard....specially as we get older and all married....we share more w/ our hubbies and less with girlfriends....thats my problem anyway :) it'll come!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

I had the best girlfriends in college and have struggled ever since because I feel like I haven't been able to "replicate" that with any of the girls who live close to me. I have to remind myself that those things take time -- and maybe my college friends really are "once in a lifetime" kind of friendships, I don't know.

It's always a comfort to realize that even if every earthly friend would forsake me, Jesus is always faithful.

And speaking of developing relationships...we need to get together :) Would you want to come over and "play" with us in February? Wednesdays are good days for us. Email me or Facebook me and let me know what you think!

Sara said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've always had trouble in this area as well. The last placed I lived in before we moved here I had only 1 good girlfriend but even so I didn't get to be as close to her as I would have liked because she was at an entirely different place with raising her family.

Then we moved here and God just really challenged my heart to open myself up and to let people in. and as you said "Trying" is always a great place to start.

I will definately be praying that God will bring you some special girlfriends close by to be a part of your life, to encourage you, to be encouraged by you, to love you, and be loved by you.

Tiffany said...

I can empathize. After moving back to my hometown in 2004, I have just this passed year finally feel really connected to another woman. It takes me a long time to open up to people, and I get overwhelmed with too many friends. lol I love to just have one close, intimate friendship, and I need that. I really need to work on opening up to other women though, and allowing them into my life - especially with our new endeavor into the pastorate. Praying for you.