.::6 weeks and a new normal::.

I woke up this morning actually feeling refreshed and alive. My Jane slept until 5:45am and for any mom of a newborn - that may as well be 12 hours. :) So I fed her and rocked her and she was back in bed by 6. Giving me an entire hour to work on my bible study, check my email and just enjoy the quiet of a new morning. It was beautiful - and hopefully our new routine.

We have made it to 6 weeks. This is a big deal because two weeks ago I was almost drowning in my own tears and feeling the weight of our new life so heavily. Every day was hard and I think I was crying more then the baby. Feedings were going well, but getting Jane to nap was horrible - taking her 20 or 30 minutes to even settle for sleep. I felt like everyone else in the family was neglected as I spent hours nursing and getting baby to nap. My two older girls were watching hours of TV a day and my eldest seems to have grown this all new attitude that I can only guess comes from not getting enough "mom time" and too much tv. So all this weird mom guilt was just piling. Add that to sleep deprivation and a hubby that was out of the home often for ministry things.... crazy. Every night I ended the day sobbing - usually on my husbands shoulder (poor man), blubbering all my thoughts and none of which made much sense. Everyone warns you the transition is hard but you just can't know until you are there. We. Were. There.

{deep breath}

But we made it to 6 weeks and things have really turned around, or at least fallen into a pattern of "new normal". Jane is on a great 3 hour routine and going down for naps better and better. I'm getting more time with my older kids, and the evenings are open now as all 3 girls are asleep by 8:30 - so I can actually sit and talk to my husband. What a whirlwind this last month and a half has been. But if I am being honest it has been a tremendous time of growth... as most "valley times" are. My prayer life has grown as really sometimes there was nothing else to do but sit and cry to God. Sometimes it's very sweet as I sit and nurse the babe and pray for her. Other times it's through tears of frustration or loneliness, or just praying for my children as I shushed my newborn to sleep. I have so clearly seen the Lord answer many, many prayers and for that I'm changed and challenged. I've been a part of the "Women of the Word" study put out by Crossway and it has been a HUGE blessing to me every morning. If you are looking for something well put together - join in the study! It runs until the end of July.

Jane is beautiful and getting chunkier by the week. Minus a small set back this week with Thrush (she and I), nursing is going great. This is HUGE for me as my experience with my last baby ended me in the hospital for 7 days with mastitis gone very, very, bad. My older girls seem to have adjusted for the most part and we are settling into our new normal. That is, until the month of August comes and our 5 year old goes to school.  Yikes!

It's almost the end of July and although I don't really feel like I've had much of a summer - I'm just thrilled to be feeling human again and watch things get a bit easier. I confess that during all this time I have seen the idolatry in my heart for comfort and ease. Just another step of growth for me. I'm so thankful for the Lords faithfulness in my life and His leading.