Being the hands & feet. My God is the provider.

source: google.

I have a confession.
I'm a selfish, worry prone, woman. And in the case of being a mother I find myself with these temptations more often. As I carry this current baby and quickly approach 31 weeks I have had my fair share of mini-freak outs. General ones about lack of space or disorderly closets, etc. Then maybe bigger ones about the "big" needs - you know... car seats, diapers, expensive things.

There was a time about a month ago where I just sat before the Lord and confessed my sin of selfishness to Him. Selfish because, I had a list of needs that I seriously felt took priority and when they weren't provided for I was angry and even felt a little forgotten. Can't we be so silly about things like that? This was not my first go-round with this type of situation.

But anyway, the Lord is GOOD and He provides on his perfect schedule.

In the last few weeks we have been recipients of baby clothes, brand new baby bouncer chair, crib bedding, and the offer of getting to "shop" in a friends basement for any other baby needs we might have. Which seem to be a lot right now, and I don't totally understand why as we already have two children. Ha! Just today a gal from church dropped off two bags of beautiful baby bedding and a new copy of Frozen (the movie), which blessed my socks off. And I'm learning another lesson - that we, the body of Christ, are the hands and feet, truly. God allows us to be used to bless and minister to one another. What a gift! What an opportunity! Do we have our ears and eyes open so that we can see these opportunities? Do I? After being the recipient of such blessings I'm challenged to look around and see where I can bless someone.

Just some thoughts. Thankful for a an awesome church family and a BIG, provider God.

Spring Break recap... and the thoughts that come after.

We returned on Sunday evening from our week long trip to Ohio. My family is there, and when I say my family I literally mean just about every family member alive is there - excluding a few "strays" who live in Oklahoma and California. The drive to and fro went well and we are so thankful for our ROCK STAR children who made the trip in the car for 10 hours go by smoothly. They slept the entire state of Indiana on the way home, which I know is all part of God's grace because none of us slept the night before. While the trip wasn't meant to be this huge teachable moment thing, I left with this impression on my heart that I had aged, matured, whatever... time is moving and I saw the effects of time in a big way. Part of me was changed and can never go back.

The town "I grew up in", which was really only 10th through 12th grades, had gotten older, again. Houses looked worn, familiar faces still working at the same grocery store were years older, rumbling trucks on small streets still running but older and maybe louder. My old highschool looks old and dirty. Even my parents Boxer/Mastiff dog had gray hair and my cat growing up now walks with a limp from sore hips. It's so weird to feel like you are going back in time...but that time hasn't been kind, or maybe it has. My bedroom in highschool is now the kids toyroom and linen storage, my brothers room a remodeled office, and aside from our Senior pictures you might not know there were once teenagers there. My baby cousins are in college or married and little kids whose diapers I onced changed are driving cars, dating, and planning futures. It's...so...weird. But perhaps the hardest part of watching time pass was visiting my grandparents. At almost 32 years old I have little experience with this sort of thing. I only lost my great-grandparents in Jr high and the sight of death isn't often in front of me, at least with my family. We are a seemingly healthy, young, falsely eternal bunch. So as I took a deep breath, closed the car door and walked toward the nursing home... I could feel my heart failing me. It hurt. This brick building with a pot hole parking lot seemed so sterile and unkind. Not the warmth of grandma's house with her decorations, afghan blankets on each couch and the smell of grandpa's aftershave. We made our way down the hallway to the room that had their names on the door and as I peeked around the door I realized time had come here, too. When you are young you know your grandparents are old, simply because they are your parents parents. But they also bake cookies, take you out to shoot the BB gun, give you dollar bills in your letters, and teach you things only grandparents can. These people I was looking at now were the same, only changed. Gray hair had gone white. Flexible shoulders slumped down and full cheeks were thin with age. My grandpa didn't recognize me at first but thought I was one of the nurses - so I helped him with his jacket and whispered a "suprise" and then his eyes changed as he really saw me. Grandpa. I'll always see him as I did when I was a child, but this man I saw today was still just as handsome and just as much my grandpa, though altered. Grandma sat in her bed and smiled as my children filled the room and became the entertainment. Still Grandma, with hershey kisses to share and her hair pulled back in a bobby pin. My heart pounded and I was so proud of myself for holding back the hot tears during our visit. Part of me wanted to run away and part of me wanted to make this visit last as long as I could...because what if?... I can't even say the words. Later to my husband I cried my fears that that was the last time I might see them. Then I cried for saying that out loud. Time has crept on and maybe it was just more apparent to me this visit - but I felt it. I felt the weight of the situation. I felt my baby brother turning 29 soon. I felt my parents "handling" their aging parents as well as their own aches and pains. And maybe I felt older, too.

I don't mean to sound down. The trip went so well - we had great family time, spent some money to do a few fun activities and just enjoyed our visit. But these above thoughts still kinda haunt me as I think and ponder life and time.

We got back to Iowa and it's still just as cold as when we left. I think it was 22 degrees last night. Bah! But, as the sun peeks out this morning we are hopeful that the warmer weather will one day arrive and Spring will carry on.  Spring Break 2014. Memorable for sure.

Spring Break Vacay, and why my hubby is a rockstar.

We made the 10-12 hour drive to my parents home last night and today has been a laid back, lazy, recovery day. Two girls are napping and my awesome - navigator of a husband is conked out on the couch. It's just me, Food network, and the smell of a yummy apple pie baking around me. :) My parents always, without fail, have loads of good food packed in their deep freeze, cupboards and fridge. Such a treat to be here and help ourselves :)

Spring Break week is upon us and we are armed and ready for a great week!

I am truly, truly, so thankful for my husband and his love for me. I don't know a lot of guys that would be excited to drive 12 hours across the country to no-name town Ohio for a week, as his vacation. He genuinely enjoys coming, loves my family, goes with the flow… and it's such a blessing to me. He is a rock star!

Here's to a week of family, good food, fun memories and warmer days! Happy Spring break!

It's almost here!

The sun shines every morning now. Temps are reaching higher and higher... and most of the mounds of snow have melted away. Spring is coming! We had a 67 degree day this week and it's supposed to hit the 60's again today! I can't explain how nice it has been to send the girls outside to blow off a winters worth of steam.

Nope, not a day care... just our deck. :) 

On a side note:  Any tips on getting toddler shoes back to good condition are accepted :) I know some of you are still buried in the newest blizzard - but take heart! Spring is on it's way!

When it's really real. Or, life in the tundra.

It's still very much winter and I'm very much feeling fed up with myself. Life is real, people. Real around here. My kids may have eaten at least 2 meals a day in front of cartoons...for the last few days. We are a mix of toys, blankets, markers, scraps of papers, clean and dirty dishes, misc art supplies, baby dolls and empty yogurt cups. All in the name of keeping entertained. 

Life in the tundra is taking it's toll, even though I have tried, prayed and cried to avoid it. But I feel as if maybe I'm adding to my stress. We mom's do that ya know!

#1 - Because it's been sooo cold, every day, I haven't been able to finish any of my organization projects. Mostly because they involved painting or spray painting something. So my breeze way (where shoes, coats, etc would go) is 50% or less finished. It's now looking more like a garage storage closet with a fine mix of recycling, Christmas decor, a baby changing table that hasn't moved up yet, and just life. It annoys me every day - but, alas, I value my fingers and have to wait til its warmer. 

#2 - We need to move our 2 year old in with our 5 year old...and soon. However, the dresser I need for their combined room needs to be spray painted and is waiting in the freezing garage. And the dresser I need for the new nursery is serving currently as the 5 year olds dresser.  We also haven't found bunk beds yet - or bedding - or really figured out how we are realistically going to do this and keep our sanity. :) So I have two bedrooms upstairs that are a bad mix of 2 year old, 5 year old, and newborn things. It's bad, people. Bad. Add to that the fact that my 5 year old is rapidly outgrowing everything she owns so I'm constantly pulling clothes out of drawers and closets to put away, only I'm out of bins to store it in so it becomes piles upon piles in already too filled closets. Claustrophobia is real. And this theme of disorganization seems to be spread out through several spots in our home simply because I'm exhausted and don't have an extra ounce of energy to do it after children are in bed. We will not even be discussing my linen closet or basement right now. 

#3 - My 5 year old seems to be struggling with making friends and being a friend. Last night after everyone was tucked in bed the stress of the day just washed over me and I cried like a baby on the couch. It's PAINFUL to watch your child learn and grow through difficult times. It seems my girl needs constant attention and redirection and somedays (lately most days...) it's more then I can bear. Last night we prayed together through tears and she asked God to change her heart (and from what I could hear the entire personality of the other party who caused her grief) and it reminded me how BIG this job is - there is never an off day. She's not at a place of understanding yet...but I pray the Lord continues to soften her. 

#4 - Pregnancy. I'm tired. A lot. 

And lately I'm waking up with the birds, literally, and then dragging through the day. NOT GOOD. I'm hungry at weird times but never sure what for and though I don't "feel" super pregnant, things don't fit right - even maternity clothes. Another not pretty reality. 

#5 - I miss my mom and dad. 

My family is 12 hours away and sometimes I feel that more then others. This time in my life I'm feeling it so much. What I would give to spend a day with my parents - to let my kids hang out with their grandparents. I miss them, I'm homesick for them, and selfishly it would be such a blessing to let the girls go to grandma's for the weekend. Specifically this weekend as my husband is set to leave again on another trip, that I could go on, but can't find overnight child care. Bah. I'm envious of the families here that all have each other - even though I know it's not always easy. I'm feeling very alone and sometimes forgotten. 

It's been a difficult last few days and I know it's going to be ok, just part of the refining... it's just a bad combination of life right now and feels a bit overwhelming. I'm thankful for the moments of quiet in God's word to settle me, or the kind texts from friends and family far away. It'll be ok - I'm just feeling reality right now more then usual. And I'm not sure I like it. 

Also, did the price of diapers go up?! 

If I had a million dollars.

Years ago that annoying song by BNL (I can't even handle that bands name) came out with the catchy tune,

"If I had a million dollars, I'd buy yer looo-ooo-ooove". 

Carry on many verses and choruses peaking of buying ketchup packets and mini refrigerators, etc. If you aren't familiar - you aren't missing much. But growing up in the high school years it seemed to be on the radio, constantly. Ah, who said the 90's were all that bad!? :)

Anyway, after doing some browsing on some of my favorite shopping sites this morning - I have the chorus in my brain. Is it just me or did the cost of EVERYTHING go up substantially over the last 5 years?! Perhaps I'm just more sensitive to it now as I begin to plan and prepare for this June baby.

Browsing through Amazon.com this morning I was "oooohing" and "ahhhhing" over these darling little sets, and then remembering... oh yea, bottles. And onesies. Paci's. And we should probably splurge on a new baby tub as ours is... gross. So if we had a million dollars I might be tempted to go ALL NEW with this little one. Good thing we don't. A good thing there are a million other things we could spend a million dollars on - more important things. :)

These little laced trimmed bodysuits....

 

Or what about this fun pink and brown stroller?! We are having another girl, so it wouldn't be horrible to buy a PINK stroller, right?

But, back to clothes... I don't remember things being so cute 5 1/2 years ago with our 1st girl. And there was def NOT an anchor theme, which seems to keep catching my eye. And, furthermore... all these cute summer time clothes are making me itch a little for the sun.

 

So yea, if I had a million dollars set aside for just baby stuff I think I could find a way to use it all. :)
But since I don't and I do have the wonderful joy of having TWO girls who have come before - we'll be thrilled to use our bins of girls clothes again, and maybe splurge on one or two little things for little miss before she arrives. And hopefully I can figure out a nursery idea before she is here. Pinterest has been helpful, of course. I'm eager for some warmth to show up so I can work on painting and creating! Here's an idea I've found:

 

This nursery would be WAY different then the normal pink/brown I always do. But I keep coming back to it and something about it just gets my attention. I already have a small brown dresser, and our crib is brown - so it would be easy. I dunno.

But then I get back into my frugal thinking - we already have SO much pink and brown, it would be easy to just throw together a simple nursery and then add little touches. I even have that very ottoman that goes with the recliner rocker.

 

 Fun to dream. Fun to plan. 

Documenting a Morning.

We are watching a storm blow in!

It started this morning as fog, then a light rain, then the fun stuff. Mini ice balls! 

My girls thought this was the coolest thing, ever. We collected some and I let them eat 'em up - even more cool. Seriously, I'm up for an award for that one. :) 

The hail has now turned into big, fat, fluffy, snowflakes and it's steadily coming down. As most of you already know (and don't roll your eyes), I love it. I love that there is no where to go and nothing to do aside from being home. Warm and cozy. It's a fuzzy slippers and sweat pants kinda day and it was just the thing this tired momma needed. The goobers stayed in their jammies and dress up clothes all morning and I plan to lay them down for naps in exactly the same thing they woke up in. 

As a special snow day treat - my biggest girl and I made Gingersnaps, daddy's favorite cookie!

She loves the hands on activity part and I love the one on one, which she seems to so desperately need... all...the...time. 

Nothing terribly exciting, but a morning to enjoy for sure. So thankful for these children, this warm home, and the little blessings along the way.