I have made a committment to getting up @ 6am everyday this week to spend time with the Lord in dedicated, quiet, undisturbed, scripture saturated, prayerful time. So, this morning I woke up with the alarm and I was so excited to begin my day with this new start - so excited what the Word of God would show me today, not that we use it as a crystal ball but it DOES give direction and insight into life. I set myself up on the couch with my bible, my journal and the devotional I'll be doing along with the teens in youth group. I asked the Lord in a whisper to make this time profitable and glorifying to himself... and thus I began my morning journey. It was perfect... the sun was rising, I was reading through Genesis 1 about creation, the power of God, God's purpose - just one of those mornings where it ALL made sense, where you feel like you are getting extra special revelation... I gleefully threaded down verse after verse anxious to read, even though I've read Gen.1 probably a million, ga-zillion times. I rejoiced as I read each time that God thought "it was good". As I went through the devotional, learning about God's general revelation to us - I just felt so empowered. Thank you for Lord, I thought out-loud, for giving me chance after chance to come back to you, to start up again. It's been so long since I've had any kind of consistency, I hung my head in shame, but then was reminded of God's forgiveness, his mercy, compassion... Thank you Lord, for loving me - your image... only rather flawed at times I'm afraid. Well, really flawed, all the time actually. I ended this perfect time in prayer thanking God for Genesis 1 and his creation, my dear bible study ladies...and then, I prayed for Brad. I prayed very specifically this morning, very strongly and with great expectation for what God WILL do with him. As I was finishing my prayer, my knight in shining armor was finishing up his shower time - I heard him rustling around in the bathroom getting ready for work, I smiled as I thought about how much more hair spray he uses then I. How he likes to look nice, and how I appreciate that about him. (he's no scrub!)
Amen, prayer done - time to finish getting ready myself. About this time... WHAT HAPPENED?... Lord, why is it that when I make an effort to spend extra time in the word, extra time in your loving arms...that this world and it's circumstances bring me down?! That knight I spoke about... well, he couldn't find his belt. The one he wears daily, that shouldn't be missing. It became a predicament that shook the entire Pausley world. I tried to help with a good attitude, I tried to be patient and understanding of how I would feel... but it just GOT TO ME! He was so grumpy about it, so snippy with me as if it were MY fault. Here I was 2 mins. prior pouring out my guts to our GOD for him, on his behalf - and now I'm getting the brunt of his grouchiness about a missing article of clothing. And, I failed, as I do often. I let my tongue get the best of me lecturing this grown man about "setting out his clothes the night before", "I'm not your mother", even, "why should I pray for you when you act like this?"... (sigh)...that's when it hurts. When you realize that your tongue has had power over you again. When you provoke someone's frustrations when you could have ended it with one encouraging, patient word. I could easily blame this on Bradley- for spoiling my peaceful morning. I could easily pin the blame on that stupid belt that I know was watching us look for it. I could even say "I got up early, so I was a little more tired today". But the truth is... I failed and the rest of the truth is that God is still holy and is still on throne and is still forgiving. I had such a hard time this morning with forgiving and letting go of this incident... until it dawned on me, 'idiot- you are doing the same thing now" to the Lord, with my attitudes, grumbling and ill thoughts. So, as I do with everything I'm waiting to see how God will use this day in my life. What will the big picture hold, and how does today mold me or prepare me? Good morning, Lord, thank you for your forgiveness and the way you put tangible situations into my life to show me more of you!