Since my husband and I embarked on this journey of pregnancy and child rearing way back in 2007 - I've battled. It wasn't over getting fat or body changes or anything like that...but just a general fear of the unknown. We lost our first baby in December 2007, which means as of this past week it's been 6 years. It's still strange and painful to me that if that baby would have been born - we'd have a 5 1/2 year old right now. It was a June due date - just as the child I currently carry has. Maybe that's why I'm battling with worry MORE with this pregnancy.
A few months ago a sweet gal I know suffered a loss at 14 weeks which is where I am on this very day. The start of a new trimester and yet I still find my self surrendering fears to the LORD almost daily. You would think that after 6 years and two healthy pregnancies it would be easier. It's not. But I thank the Lord for this gift of empathy and sensitivity and I pray that I can continue to use my past experience to bless and encourage other Mom's who have to go through it. Nothing is wasted with our God!
14 weeks today and I feel just about as nauseated as I did 7 weeks ago, which is strange to me. My normal pregnancy routine was to be sick about 6 weeks, then magically better. Aka: Second Tri. This time it's SO SO different. I'm starting to believe that my 31 year old body + 2 children + busy ministry lifestyle = continued sickness contribution. Anyone wanna scientifically verify that? That, and, I can't seem to keep nutrition at the forefront this time. Yesterday it was 5:30pm and it dawned on me all I had eaten that whole day was 1 cake doughnut and a bowl of rice. Folks, that doesn't help anyone. But, slowly, the ol' appetite is returning and once I go grocery shopping I plan to buckle down and get serious. I promise.
There have been food aversions aplenty this time around and only a few things that I really want alll the time - when I am feeling up to eating.
- Watermelon & citrus fruits, I cannot get enough.
- Fancy breads (artisan). And thanks to my dear friend, Emily, I got to majorly indulge in some amazing Focaccia the other day. Who doesn't love a good crunch on the outside, buttery, herby, delicious bread?! Oh man, now I want more. And, stock in Panera so I can have bread anytime...
- Aldi's Cranberry Almond Chicken salad: (say what?!)
This is the one that doesn't make any sense to me. First, it has meat in it (gag), second, it's fruit in a salad... which I normally don't enjoy, third, Mayo based. All things I normally just pass up. But for some reason - that salad with hard crackers feels like a banquet. Don't even read the nutrition label, it's fatty goodness in a plastic bowl. :)
- Cold, Cold, water. I'm not one of those momma's who enjoys drinking 9 gallons a day for my health. I normally have to force myself to finish one camelbak a day. (tisk, tisk) Lately, however, I cannot get enough.
It's almost 4pm and just writing about that made me queasy. Ha! Might need to go sneak some more watermelon out of my fridge. Thankful for the sickness today - and praying the Lord continues to sustain. :)