1) I am not prego
2) We are not in "planning" mode
With that said - let me tell you my great mental debate currently. And then YOU share your thoughts... especially those of you with a 2nd, 3rd, 6th, 19th child... oh wait, Michelle doesn't read this.
I have always wanted children. Lots and Lots of children, to be totally specific. When I was a little girl my all time favorite "pretend" was lining up all 6 or 7 of my baby dolls (Cabbage patches and what not) naming them, feeding them and putting them "down" for naps. I loved playing mommy! When my parents "Gave" me the gift of little baby brother Josh... even better. A real baby to pretend with. And I mommied him until we both grew up and flew the coup! (Tho... I drove him and my parents crazy with this!) Anyway, I've always wanted to be a momma. I never aspired to be a great business woman, attorney or world famous cook - deep in my heart I've always longed to be home with kids. Even in highschool when we were taking all of those tests that supposedly tell you what you would be GREAT at as an adult... I always felt disappointed that "Mom" wasn't on their job lists. (another post entirely about the FEMINIST that drive me crazy!!!)
So now, at 27 years old, I have 1 daughter. Ava Edyn. She is the joy of our lives and gives us so much to be thankful for. I have loved watching her grow and change...and look forward to watching her grow and change for the remainder of my days. Prior to Ava I always assumed that I would just have kids, and more kids, and more kids... and that my hubby would agree and even encourage it. Reality set in about 4 weeks after Ava came. It was HARD work. Sleepless nights, nursing issues that drove us both mad, diapers exploding, dr appointments, anxiety, missing church week after week, etc. Parenting was more then just popping out babies and planning on the next. It was, as a my husband says, "bringing an eternal soul into the world", something to not take lightly.
But, lately... inside my head something strange is happening. Perhaps not as strange as I think. I've shared this with many ladies and everyone seems to feel the same. Ava is old enough now where I think... and my heart flutters to think about... wanting another baby. This is where the mental torment comes in. I cannot fathom taking on another - tho, I've always longed for so many. I can't imagine splitting this love for her, taking attention off of her for another. Tho, I know its good and important. Some days I can bypass all of this weird mental debating. Especially as the "we're expecting" announcements flow all around me. If they can do it, we could do it. Somedays it's too overwhelming to even comprehend. So, I want to hear your thoughts on this. Did you go through this? How far apart are your children? Did you like the timing? Scriptures that helped you in the decision? I'm looking for some Titus-type ladies here.
And while you are thinking... enjoy some pics of our ultra smiley, crazy, energy filled little girl. She is turning 16 months this month!