Thursday, November 29, 2012

THESE days and THESE kids.

Around 12:40 yesterday my youngest, at all of 18 months old, fell onto our wooden baseboard and gashed her forehead open. The scene was not pretty. Bloody toddler head, terrified older sister watching, crying momma trying so hard to pull it all together. I have already been feeling neck deep in life. Our home feels like chaos - with toys and Christmas decor and dirty things here and there. We got home from our T-giving trip on Sunday, hubs preached that night, and it's been non stop since. My head is spinning. And now the gashed baby forehead.

So, little one and I spent the next 3 hours driving from home to Urgent Care to ER and then back home. 3 stitches later... she'll be just fine. {I'm still kissing her a million times after watching all of that} Now I have to clean it twice a day and make sure she keeps her band aid on. Lovely. Because that is so easy with toddlers. :) I am praising the Lord that although it was scary, it was just a laceration. Passing the other ER rooms caused my heart to feel heavy as I watched momma after momma holding very sick and injured children. Kiss and hug your babies today! Praise God for healthy kids!

Buried. Yes, that's an adequate description of how I am feeling.

More to do in a day then there's time for, more needs then I can deal with. And sometimes that's just how life goes. And that's when we lean heavy on the arms of Jesus. When we cry in the shower and tell our God just exactly how much we need Him. He already knows and always meets me where I am. This morning it was in a phone call from my husband, just calling to say he loved me and had been praying for me.
Because I need prayer. My attitude and love levels are low. Self control and patience are hiding in a corner somewhere, probably buried beneath toys and half put up Christmas decorations. And I keep needing a "break", but what I am even doing that causes me to feel like I need a break?!

It dawned on me over lunch that this temptation to freak out and become the grinch hits me every year at this time. My inward desire to make everything "perfect" and the reality of an imperfect, sin cursed world, collide.  Leaving me longing for perfection and disappointed at reality. And to be honest - I have a pretty great reality here in our home. It's just these kids need so much... and these days are so difficult, sometimes.

And the baby forehead was just the straw that broke the camels back.

But, ya know...
I realize how quickly the days pass. And I know I have a choice to make each moment. Rejoice and give thanks or furrow the brow and make everyone else miserable. And only one of those honors God - and it's not the latter. So today as I tidy up and scrub one more dish and sweep the floor for the eleventy-millionth time - I will be thankful and I will be aware that the temptation to freak out is real, but,  that I have a choice in the matter.

That is all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Just feel the same every day.. so ashamed of myself when I get angry and grumpy. What will my kids remember when they grow up? a loving mama or a mama who keeps on shouting and barking at them.. I am working on that . I am trying to be a better mama.; a better wife.. a better woman. I am trying to talk to God again. I know he hasn't forgotten me. I have . And I don't know how to do it.. some little words though pop up every day. Like when it is getting normal when I get up to thank God for life, and when I go to bed when I thank Him for some little moments of the day. You are an open window to a better life for me, or I should say a better way to live my life. you are a strong, loving, lovely woman. Don't forget that. Please don't stop writing; You are an inspiration. For me at least, in France. I am a mother of four, staying at home.. struggling with education, budget and so on... like everyone else!!!