Bitter+Sweet

The older I get the more I understand that phrase... Bittersweet. Or maybe it's just a word. I dunno. Feels like a phrase today.

This week my very precious friend, Meredith, was here IN IOWA visiting family and I was able to see her 3 times! It was...awesome. Visits are never long enough, though, because you always end up having to say "goodbye". I hate those.

Meredith is one of those friends who actually change your life. She is the wife of a youth pastor in PA and I learned so much from her during our time living there. She taught me how to love people despite their human-ness, talk with teenage girls and how to support a man in the ministry. All lessons I needed {and still need} to sharpen and continue working on. Aside from ministry things...she's shown me how to be brave in the face of adversity and hardships, and how to cling to God alone and the hope we have in Him.

Meredith and her husband have no children. They want kids... and have tried so many options to make it happen - but, it's hasn't, and it's hard. A few months ago they finally got some good news that they had conceived only to find out a miscarriage was soon to follow. I remember reading her email and just weeping - not able to understand what God was up to. And, I may never...until Heaven. For now we just keep praying and hoping.

I miss Meredith. My heart aches for her friendship...something that hasn't been replaced since moving here a year ago. So while seeing her was Amazing - getting to get and give hugs, chat about life and laugh over new memories...I knew the void to follow that high would come, and it has. Bitter. I miss my friend. I miss being there for her and ministering with them. I miss watching her carry my daughter around. I miss buying Mary Kay from her. I miss her listening ears...I miss her. Today the Lord is ministering to my heart - and allowing that bittersweet feeling to mold who I am to become. He's not finished with quite yet... but I am so grateful for the chapters Meredith was written in to in my life.