Momma

I'm so glad I came across this book by Rachel Jankovic - "Loving the Little Years". I've mentioned it a few times now, and I find myself telling more and more people about it. It's such a tiny little thing jam packed full of wisdom, insight and truth. Since the focus of my life right now has been "taking care of mommy" so I can actually be mommy effectively again - I was so encouraged and challenged by her chapter titled "Me Time".

My idea of "me time" right now is having 5 minutes to drink my coffee while its still hot. Usually by 11:45 as I'm giving Ava her lunch I'm still finishing that "hot" coffee - now having been nuked at least 5 times in attempt. I'm adjusting. Another "me time" activity is folding laundry. It's so calming for me - and makes me feel like things are actually getting done. I can clean this house from top to bottom and it takes that same toddler mentioned above 3 minutes to undo the whole thing. With laundry, I can wash, dry, fold it and get it put away and feel like something actually got done! I do struggle with selfishness in this area. I want "me time" instead of changing a diaper. I want to be "left alone" for "just 2 minutes" to brush my teeth or pee in silence. And not that those are wrong things - but, I so lack the grace and patience somedays. Especially when I'm not feeling the greatest. But I'm learning.

Anyway, Rachel had some wonderfully challenging things to say about this topic. Things that are still echoing through my brain on a daily basis as I continue to recover and re-learn how to mommy these precious girls. And while my mind races thinking of the 30 some pounds I need to lose, the newly identified stretches and "extras" post baby #2 has left me - I'm encouraged that I'm doing exactly what I need to do by just BEING.

"Motherhood uses your body in the way that God designed it to be used. Those are the right kind of damages."

"Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work."

My favorite part of this chapter was where she helps us identify the whole myth of the "forgetting who I was" kind of mentality. This is something that rings true for me right now -

"...the Christian view of self is very different, and you need to make sure that it is the one you have. We are like characters in a story. Our essential self is not back in the intro, waiting to be rediscovered. Who you are is where you are. When you are married, your essential self is married. As the story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don't recognize yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out - look at the people who made you what you are - your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them."

Ah, isn't that so true?! When I get caught up in "what I once was" or start to feel sorry for myself because I'm so tired, so worn out, so...different. What a great perspective changer that I'm doing exactly what God has for me. And that is exactly what I need to focus on right now. I'm getting stronger, and when I start to get down or confused or frustrated - I can look up and see the faces and remember God's goodness and Grace. Who I am is where I am. I am momma. And thankfully - I know from God's word that these trials and tests and hard times are perfecting my patience...growing my faith... and teaching me to see.