I can't seem to bring myself to this keyboard and write anything. I've sat down a few times and debated in my head what I wanted to say. But then I push back, sign out, walk away. And while, yes, life is busy - my reason for not writing is not so much due to choatic schedules and to-do lists...but, because I think my heart is too heavy and the words just escape me right now.
While in FL I don't think the severity of what was going on in our world had fully hit me. I mean, I was on vacay. It's easy to click through some news feeds of bad news and onto the "Good stuff". But this week, I can barely even get on the computer - any kind of program - without being confronted with BIG BOLD sin and total despair in our world. I've also left the TV off for the same reason. Because, I know it's there.
I can't put words behind what I feel when I read this "Gosnell" case. How 5 years ago I held my 8 week miscarried baby and sobbed as we drove to the hospital pathology lab. I would have given ANYTHING to have kept that baby alive and growing within me. The agonizing pain of handing your tiny baby over to a path lab worker in a lunchbag - that MESSES with a person. Though, I was and still am covered in grace. But even then... that's not the point. I'm silenced and dumbfounded about what I'm seeing and hearing and want to just SCREAM out for those babies. Sin in my life is no better or worse then that sin - but, LORD, WHY?! Those babies. Oh Jesus, do you hold them? How this breaks your heart. Those mothers, girls even, who just have no idea of the hope and life in Christ. They are empty and lonely and blinded by sin and death. I want to SCREAM out for them.
But instead, I'm silenced. There are no words, only heartbreak. Like I'm gasping but nothing will come out.
Lord, come quickly.