Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Untitled - or, "the one where this momma has a rough start"

{everyone seems to love MY quilt}

There's something comforting about my raggedy, old, orange quilt. Days like today when I'm angry, emotional, sad and frustrated...

Just holding it in my lap somehow soothes. Calms. {Deep breaths}

I don't sleep well anymore - must flip 100 times a night. Restless and uncomfortable, I ache. 7am glowed blue through our bedroom window - so I rose - and had the thought to read my bible ALONE in the quiet. But Ava's radar goes off as I pee, so, skip that idea.

A twinge of grumpiness lurks... but I squelch it with the new idea of french toast sticks for breakfast.

That's when husband realizes he's run out of "undergarments" - and due to my exhaustion yesterday, the laundry sits undone in the still sewer crusted basement. :/

Another twinge... hot tears now burn my eyes, but I won't cry. Besides, I'm hungry. Ava eats. She throws an apple slice onto the floor and gets a warning. Doesn't heed the warning... breakfast ends in a spanking, tears, and a mom on edge at all of 7:45am.

The livingroom is chaos. Building blocks, ABC magnets, dolls and blankets in every spot. How many children do we have?! Unborn flips while I'm standing and the stretching pain hunches me over in half. A zillion tiny toys that each need me to bend to pick up. Angry by now. Tears leak out. This is difficult for me! I'm too tired.

Now, the washing machine spins, toys almost all put away - child reading, and I have this quilt on my lap. It's quiet now and my coffee is cold - but life is calm again. I've pulled myself together with the Lord's help. And now for that bible reading.

{journal entry from this morning - 3/29/11}


The Sneaky Mommy said...

I'm so sorry! Comforting to know that God was still in control through the rough start and even used it for teaching and refining. I always dislike discipline at breakfast, but it does seem to pave the way for a much more obedient day. Praying you'll get some sleep and have a happier start tomorrow!

Emily Howrylak said...

I am so glad that God gives you strength when you need it:) One can usually find positive things to even out the stressful events...... but every now and then it seems that the stressful things happen much quicker and closer together than other times and it makes our "healing process" seem impossible. But just as we feel it will not end.... It does:) Hope you had a heart warming Bible time. I love you.