Monday, March 15, 2010

Not so much a baby...

Yesterday as I got Ava ready for church something crossed my mind. It was a thought I didn't want to have so I quickly dismissed it and continued on. But while I went on with dressing, hair combing and tight-putting-on...the thought kept coming back again. So, I blinked... and looked again. And, I saw it... She's not a little baby anymore. My heart ached as I watched her long slender arms reach for her baby doll - followed by the way she "loved" the baby and gave her kisses. Slender arms?! Where are the baby fat rolls? I quickly investigated her thighs and sighed, she still has some chubby-ness there...but it, too, is quickly fading.

I'm noticing more and more how "non" baby she is....but, I want to blind to it, just for today. I want to pretend that she needs me so much more then she really does. I want to cuddle her and look into a tiny, chubby face thats searching mine for the answers to life. She is amazing. She is chatty and smart and sneaky... everything a 15 month old should be. She's precious, and loving and sassy all at the same time. On some days she shows me very clearly the fruit of my hard work of consistency... and other days it seems we'll never get it. She keeps me on my toes and drives me to the word of God because I see JUST HOW HARD this job is.

So, again this morning as I sat down with her to breakfast - I noticed how thin her face is - how mature her eyes are and how much better she's trying to "talk". I blinked back tears as she wipes her own hands, eats her own banana and signs, "thank you" after she's done. Where have the last 15 months gone?! Was she never tiny and in my arms... ? I took this picture yesterday on the way to church - see for yourself... she's such a little lady. I love watching her grow, but I do mourn the part all the same.

1 comment:

beccarankin said...

It's hard, isn't it? I'm pretty sure it was a seventeen months with Karis that we decided we needed another baby! I missed those rolls so much!